Today

today 
is O K
I'm alive
in my own falling apart
way 
my thoughts
winding around my head 
and forming a poisonous mass
inside my heart 
whispering lies
and twisting truths
making me want to take apart
my soul
unscrew the rusty hinges 
made of my now faded sanity 
and let myself 
fall
through my memories
and find the old joys of life
the simple pleasures 
of watching a bubble
sprout from my cupped hands
slippery with soap
or 
the perfect tranquility 
of watching the stars
and feeling small 
in this vast world
but I know 
that tomorrow
I will have to build stairs
and ascend 
from the depths of myself
never letting go 
of the railing 
holding onto my delusions
of life
thinking I'm someplace I'm not
yes 
tomorrow
I will have to face the world outside
but for today 
I will live in my mind
just to escape from the truth
that I am not what I say I am 
I am only what I make myself.