Dec 10

I'm not sure

I know that I'm always loud, obnoxious, and disappointing,
I know that i'm not pretty,
I know that i'm not funny,
I know that I'm not perfect.

I like who I am. 
People like me,
I have a wonderful family,
and i am loved.
That doesn't change anything. 

I am sad, and hurting and angry.
Im angry at them, at you, at myself.
I hurt everyone I love, 
I make it so they can't love me back.

I hide, 
I hide and I run away from my problems.
I have family issues, not bad,
I have relationship issues,
and I am absolutely terrified.

I am scared that my siblings will find out I am a fraud, I am scared that one of these days I will hurt myself to the point of no return, I am scared to trust anyone because they might hurt me like one person did.

I am scared, hurting, lonely in a room of people, depressed, angry, but I am me

And I am alive.

Thank you for listening to me rant....