i do not wear this face
because society wants me to. 
if anything, 
i persist in wearing the face i do
because society did not ask me to. 
i do not wear this face because i think it makes me more beautiful. 
i wear this face because it makes me striking, 
dramatic, 
and slightly off-kilter. 
i wear this face because it affects how the world sees me
and i like the way they treat me
then. 
i wear this face because it brings me confidence. 
i wear this face because it is distinctive. 
i wear this face because it reflects me better,
i think, 
than any other face would. 
but i do not know if this face reflects who i am. 
i do not know if it should. 
i do not know if it is even possible to. 
i know that it reflects me better 
than layers and layers of eyeshadow almost the precise color of my skin
to make my eyes look bigger 
to change me into the model
society demands. 
that is not me. 
i know that i am more black and red eyeshadow
and dramatic lipstick
than i am that.  
i remember when i got glasses in seventh grade,
for several days,
i was sad. 
it seemed to me that even though i could actually see,
i couldn't see the same anymore. 
glasses or contact lenses, 
there would always be this layer of corrective glass in between my eyes and the world. 
now my glasses are a part of me 
because i cannot see more than four feet in front of my face without them
and i dislike things touching my eyeballs. 
i do not think i am a 'glasses person'. 
glasses are not my face. 
but i wear them, 
if not proudly, 
as a part of me. 
i don't know why it should be different
the colors--
or solid blacks--
that i put on my eyes and lips every morning. 
but because i think too much, 
sometimes when i look in a mirror i question
if i have been caught up in a whirlwind
of excited darkness
showing the world a face that is not my own
in desperate hopes that it could be.
or if it is my choice
and i've made it. 
my face, 
and i wear it how i want.