What if?

What if I never find it?

What if all of this is for nothing?

I've been hurt by caring before.

It's easier not to...but it's been a freedom for me.

I don't want to give that up.

I want to take the next step.

 

What if I never find it, though?

What then?

What if I've been chasing

The future that can't be?

What if I'm not good enough?

 

I push it down

These intrusive thoughts

Because I know

I wouldn't have discovered this magic

This real-life magic

If I wasn't enough.

But it doesn't matter what I think...

What if I'm not good enough for them?

What if they don't see the best of me?

What if they don't see what it means to me?

 

What if this isn't meant to be?

What if

What if

What if?

I'm searching for what I got a taste of

A few months ago.

Searching, desiring, this 

Impossible thing.

What if?

QueenBee

VT

13 years old

More by QueenBee

  • Life

    "Life isn't about finding yourself.

    Life is about creating yourself."

    Said the big chalkboard on the wall

    In that gym lined with red mats

    And chairs and chairs and chairs

    I'll never forget

  • Busywork

    I feel useless

    Unproductive

    No one needs me right now

    Good

    I have nothing to do

    B o r e d o m.

    I can't stop thinking about you

    I assign myself tasks

    Keeping me occupied

  • It all comes back

    When I got home

    After those two days

    Passed by much too fast

    And then they were gone

    And I was changed forever

    When I got home

    I remember

    I cried and cried and cried

    From longing