Mar 17
PDXmarvel's picture

gillian

I couldn't figure out what I wanted to write about 

Do I write about the night this all started? The close bodies and dim lights. The songs and food and dance and the way she stayed by my side all night. She didn't have to do that, but she did. She asked me to slow dance, and it was like if this was my last night on earth, it would be ok. The way I sang till my lungs gave out, and she was behind me while my hips are swaying. The way she asked me to dance during the slow song, casual like it was nothing. Like I wasn't dying being hand in hand with her. Like the way she pokes fun doesn't make me laugh, like the way she makes eye contact doesn't make me blush, like her hand on my hip doesn't make me want to kiss her.

Or do I write about the days after? Texting all the time, she thinks i'm interesting? Worth talking to. She thinks i'm pure, thinks i'm cute, thinks i'm adorable. The way she showed me her softer side. The way i'm staying up late just to keep the conversation going, yawning as i'm blinking back sleep. The way she says she cared what I think, doesn't want to hurt me, pressure me. When was the last time I felt this way? I don't know. When was the last time someone cared about me this way? I can't remember.

Or maybe I should write about the first date? The roller rink, the way she payed and picked me up from my house. I'm a dork, but she is to. I'm nervous, but so is she. We talk and talk and next thing I know i'm telling her things I haven't told anyone. Things that took me years to talk about without crying. She's dorky and I want to put my hands in her hair and kiss her as hard as I can. We're holding hands. Later she says she can see how uncomfortably stressed I am. I don't think anyones ever noticed before. What makes her different? 

What about the day after that? Me, guilty of not kissing her. Me, having a panic attack for the first time and feeling like the world was over. Trying to breath, to get this pressure off my chest and stop crying. She just wants to know, am I ok? She wants me to talk to her about it and I just

What made me deserve her?

How is it that I get to know her this way?

it's only been a week but

If I don't kiss her soon I think

I  think I might explode.



Standard tuning
capo 3rd
an untitled, unfinished song by me:

       Cadd9                 CM7            FM7               D
your hair curls like the waves, on an ocean, i once knew 
       Cadd9                 CM7            FM7               D
your eyes are like the stars, constillations, yes it's true
   G      C            G                   C
G,I,L,L,I,A,N, How will I ever sleep again,
G                         C                            FM7
it;s not your fault that im so, head over heels for you