Dear Scapegoat, After all these years, I still think about you. The times I shoved you in hallways, belittled and embarrassed you, I want you to know that I am deeply sorry. I hope you’ve come to realize that this was an incredibly selfish way that I tried to cope with my own insecurities. Every time I called you ‘fag’ it felt like I was protecting myself from being called worse. I want you to know that I envied you, for having the courage to be yourself. After all these years, I still think about you. And I think about how much happier I'd be if I had the strength to do the same. Sincerely,
You never had many friends and the distance between you and everyone else only seemed to grow as time went on
I remember being in second grade seeing you struggle I tried to take you in and help Perhaps our teacher saw that, perhaps that's the reason why you and I were paired so often
But then one of my friends said something I forget exactly what but it was something important It made me feel self- conscious for helping you.
Maybe that's the reason I started distancing myself from you or maybe it was because you started saying you liked me in a more than friends type of way, insisting to stand behind me in line, playing with my hair (and I never let anyone touch my hair).
It started as distancing and then moved to standing by while others picked on you. It moved to turning away
Do you remember the pain you caused me? Do you even remember how your words cut through me like knives? No, because even if a pool of blood, from your knife like words, was sitting at your feet you would not notice. You would go on laughing as if nothing had happened. You would smile at me as I was crumbling in front of you, begging for time to heal, but you would just kept smiling and causing pain. You probably don’t even remember half of the things you said to me, but I do. I remember all the words that tore jagged wounds in my delicate heart. I remember. I am forced to remember every time someone says your name, or I look at the scars on my heart. You hurt me, over and over again, but that is just who you will always be.