The world stops. 

Time stops. 

People stop. 

You're there and he is not. 

How is this fair? 

You and him.

You are here and he is there.

You want to reach for him but you can't.

You try to feel but the pain is unreal.

Life will never be the same.

He is there and you are here, 

like a curl magic trick

You put on a mask 

Say you're fine when you're not.

The world unfreezes,

time unfreezes,

people keep going.

But you will never forget.

Never forget his laugh,

the jokes you told each other,

you'll never forget him.

-- free would,

& all the spiraling connotations that come

in the afterthoughts of it, the explanations,

the tin bucket full of pieces with bark still on

for no one wants something they could've had. 

no one clamors

for would in such a marketed system,

its canisters opened & crumpled like old ticker-tape

spitting out knowledge useful only to those of yesterday's mornings

& afternoons, those with money

still willing in their pockets.

we carry our free will that way,

                                                a present,

in wallets like something we mean to take out & spend

but instead linger over & promise

yet again to another time. we are scarred,

burning like the firewood

awaiting its martyrdom in the hearth                  or the bin,

to turn our somedays into right nows, to take

the protest signs from where they lie rotting

in the shed, to rise without fear of some future fall

to earth. we are worried of what the after-times will think of us.

will we be remembered,

forgotten? have we been proved incorrect? do we regret,

did we ever regret, do we wait

in silence by the side of the road & never once say

all the things we wish we'd done?

A snowy slope

Dark green trees

Snow pelting my goggles 

I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,

Yet I’ve never been so afraid.

I look at the steep slope before me

Take in a big breath

And let myself go.

Gliding

Soaring

Flying.

When I get to the bottom,

I’m smiling,

A genuine smile.

I want to go again.

This is inspired by and dedicated to Ilia Malinin, who found the possible in impossible, carrying himself with his dreams

True wisdom comes from knowing we

know

nothing.

True wisdom comes from having fear

of 

God.

True wisdom is what we get when we

accept the things we will not-

can not-

understand and

keep trying to understand;

when we find that the only probability is

improbability, and

when we know something is impossible and

try find the possible in it;

When we pick ourselves up with

scars the pattern of our veins, scars

we'll never have fade because certainty

is found in uncertainty, what

we find when we reach our calloused hands up

to the sky and

pull ourselves up with our dreams;

when we know we are a nothing

with a name and a certain something

within us, and

let that something overcome that

nothing:

when we take the can not and

make it will not and

wrap our nothing around it until 

can is

all that's left.

It wasn't one moment

That made me fall in love

With snowboarding

I didn't stand at the top of the mountain

As the wind whipped my hair

And decided I loved to snowboard

It wasn't the moment when

I clipped into my bindings

Or when I finally took off

I didn't fall in love with snowboarding

As I sat on the chairlift

And looked down at the people below

Or when I reached the bottom

And snow sprayed everyone

There wasn't one moment

That made me fall in love

With snowboarding

It was all of them

It was the anticipation

As I stood at the top

And the thrill of going down

It was sitting on the chairlift

And then going up again

It was feeling free

Feeling in control

Feeling like I was the only person

No one else to worry about

No one else watching me

Just me and my snowboard

There was never one grand moment

That made me fall in love

With snowboarding

I just did