People enter, stay for a few floors,

Then 

            They

                            Leave

I am used to it by now, but I can’t get over the shaft-
a dark, yawning tunnel that swallows me whole,
So close.
So tight.
Too narrow-
Soclosesotighttoonarrow.

And Oh God,

The repetition drives me 

Crazy
Letting me go only two ways:
Up         Up               Up

Down             Down

And, oh dear Lord,

Why are the people so whiny?
Complaintive?
Boring?
Loud?
Why do they say I need fixing?

Am I too oily?
Too squeaky?
Too slow?

I carry and ferry,
Their dreams,
Thoughts,
                    Hopes,
                                    Memories.
                                                            Their weight.
                                                                                           And nothing is left for me.

What do I not see?
What is wrong with me?
Will there be an end to this misery?
Will anybody
Thank me?

I cry because my love could lose her livelihood for loving me and yet she loves 

I cry because to live is a gift I thought was a curse and now I refuse to die 

I cry because today we are not great, but someday we could be good 

I cry because the power is in the people who feel powerless against people in power 

I cry because the darkest hour does not come just before dawn but instead marks the beginning of a trek towards good

I cry because healing does not feel like healing just like playing does not feel like learning 

I cry because hope is the only light on our path and our only map of this uncharted land where we stand hand in hand soul to soul we are warm as we follow what we know 

I cry because in a crowd I have power and alone I have none, and yet my voice never changes

I cry because regardless of who is with me I am Someone walking towards Something

And I will chart the path

my hands curl around the flimsy plastic folds of my shopping bag

as I walk home through streets tight and winding. 

it is a sunny morning, 

crisp and clear,

and magic. 

I pause, taking a moment to appreciate

to see

all that the world gives me in this moment. 

taking off my headphones I hear the click clackety whirr of the metro, 

and sounds of excitement in a language I do not know. 

in the sky, I see nothing but blue

and faint cirrus clouds high above where planes fly. 

further down the road, I smell spices

warm broth from rich noodle soup, 

and a citrusy twang coming from the farmers market. 

"all this in one moment" 

I think to myself as I continue, a smile beginning to show on my face. 

alone, I see the beauty in everything, 

stopping when I please to peek in the windows of bustling stores, 

or buy strawberries on the side of the road simply because they looked good. 

tiny things like this bring me peace. 

I know now, that the little things are what make me free.