Gabby Chisamore

I am afraid,
Afraid to admit my feelings for you.
Afraid to admit it to you.
To myself,
To my family,
To the world.
Because that would mean,
my most vulnerable secret,
would be out in the world for people to see.

People walk with their families,
The sun shines brightly,
The crisp wind blows,
The birds sing from the trees, 
The peepers in the marsh behind my house chirp,
The water from our well drains through the pipe in our yard.

Tears,
Cascade down my cheeks.
Shedding for the
Desire to be loved.
But feeling undeserving,
because I was loved.
I was loved
and I walked away from it.
I feel like I don't have the right
to cry
to be loved.

My heart beats faster when I see you. 
My knees shake and I forget how to breathe.
How to talk.
Broken English.
Adrenaline pumping.
Finger guns.
Rosy cheeks.
Gasping for breath.
I don't know if I'm scared of you,

This pen,
is the only thing that can truly understand,
in detail,
What I am feeling. 
For this pen is like a therapist,
it comforts me on my bad days,
and cheers me on in my times of victory.

What if we've been getting it
Wrong this whole time.
What if all the science we think 
We know,
Has given us a false hypothesis of how we function.
What if our brains don't make the
Truly Important decisions,