Popcorn

i always feel pressured into

being grateful for the biggest things i can

which to me always sounds like i'm shouting for forgiveness

instead of gratitude. i never get to say i'm grateful

November 6th, 2024 

Today my grief is loud 

She is shaky and terrified 

I hold her gently in my arms 

She is not really gone

She is right here

She is not really lost

She's only at college

becoming a

a sister that I do not know

a girl beyond creation

I do not write happy things.

Today I will.

Today I will breathe

ignore the sick feeling growing

in the back of my throat.

Today I will drink water

feel it burn the raw throat

there are all the things I could do with three minutes alone in my room

I have an essay to write and Hebrew to study

I have things to look up and notifications to check