maelynslavik

I remember

in third grade

we had a group chat

and everyone was talking to each other on their school emails -

this was back when the school hadn't removed G-chat yet -

and you were spamming the chat

My therapist told me not to punch waves

I think it was supposed to be a metaphor

I don't punch waves

I throw myself into them

Relentlessly

Until I can't feel the pain

We can do hard things.

We can push through heartbreak,

The tears of feeling like we're not wanted,

Like we're not good enough,

We can splash in them.

We can laugh and cry in the same breath

The light flickers in my bedroom

as I brush my hair;

I remember that theory that it’s someone dead trying to speak to you,

I’m sure it’s just a thing from movies.

The light flickers again in the bathroom 

at the beginning of the end 

you went to shake my hand 

i followed it with an embrace 

for i could not face 

what i knew would come 

I’m not sure which is worse, having my hair torn out everyday and markers drawing ‘makeup’ on my face, having a dog chew on my arm and a toddler chew on my leg.