ninestars

“Hey! Congrats, you finished! Would you like to see how far you’ve come?”

“Finished? What do you mean finished? It’s barely been a week, are you kidding me?”

I want to grow up but I don’t.

But I do

but I don’t.

But lucky for me I don’t have to make that decision.

I’m forced to grow up whether I like it or not.

I don’t love school.

I don’t hate it all the time

but I hate it enough to say

I don’t like it.

I like one class

and goofing off during study hall

Overwhelmed

by everything unexplainable,

everything that can't be put into words.

There is too much that needs to be let go

so it comes out silently,

but is never fully gone.

Do you ever grieve something

that isn't even over yet?

It's like you know

that's it's going to be gone anyway,

that you're going to miss it

so much,

No matter how far I run

how loud I scream

how hard I try

I'm never fast enough

never loud enough

never good enough.

Because even if I am,

I'm not.