So, basically the backstory behind this is that I had to do a mini-project on the upcoming election and the two main candidates for my social studies class. I had no clue what to do about it and was terrified of being forced into admitting to—gasp—having a political opinion. This was the end result. I got a couple classmates to perform it together in the end, it was quite good and actually a lot of fun, butI saw the debate prompt and thought, what the heck, might as well put it on here. It's juvenile and probably not very good and I feel like there's some borderline-slapstick things in here that I'm not too proud of, since I did have to make it school-appropriate, but here we go.
Fade in to the NEWSCASTER’s desk. The NEWSCASTER does not look enthused at the camera in front of her, and sighs before plastering on a fake smile.
NEWSCASTER: Hello, everybody, and welcome to this (she hesitates, and the grin falters) thrilling prelude to the presidential debate, where our two main political candidates have gathered for a friendly chat about their political philosophies. (she sighs and attempts to bolster her smile) Yes, that’s right, everyone, we have here both Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton and the Republican candidate, the outspoken Donald Trump!
Mixed cheers, boos, and groans of disbelief come from the crowd. The camera zooms out to show TRUMP and CLINTON sitting by the NEWSCASTER’s desk. CLINTON looks bored and TRUMP looks irate.
The NEWSCASTER looks down at her desk and pulls a dreading face, then looks up to turn to the candidates.
NEWSCASTER: (condescendingly) Now, then, you two are both here in a purely professional sense, so I would appreciate if you would keep the answers civil and the conversation civilized.
Neither candidate looks willing.
CLINTON: (reluctantly) I’ll try.
TRUMP: (loudly) I am the figurehead of civility. I am always civil!
NEWSCASTER: Eh---of course you both are. Now, then, to start off the discussion, I’d like to bring up the topic of … (she pauses both dramatically and reluctantly) Economics! (she pauses) So, Mr. Trump, I’ll start with you … How do you feel about the minimum wage?
TRUMP: The minimum wage? It’s great, I tell you. What we need to do is fix our trade deals! American companies and workers are getting the short shrift. We’ve gotta do something!
NEWSCASTER: (looking a bit lost) All right.
TRUMP: We need to tax our goods from China more! Forty-five percent more! And tax our big corporations less. That’s the way to go! And a simpler tax code, then we’ll be great!
NEWSCASTER: (sighing) Right. And, Mrs. Clinton … the minimum wage?
CLINTON: We need to raise it---it’s much too low.
NEWSCASTER: Raise it to what, then?
CLINTON: (stubbornly) At least twelve dollars an hour.
NEWSCASTER: And where is this money going to come from?
CLINTON: We need to tax wealthy Americans more! That’s where the money will come from. And furthermore, we have to spend more money on roads and bridges. We have to grow the economy!
The NEWSCASTER sighs and looks glumly away before turning back.
NEWSCASTER: I know that this next issue is a very controversial one for the both of you, so please let’s not be at each other’s throats, (she smiles condescendingly), okay? Mr. Trump, I know you don’t want to wait your turn, so let’s start with you again for our talk on the issue of (she hesitates, biting her lip) Immigration!
TRUMP: (jutting out his lower lip) We need to build a wall.
NEWSCASTER: (having clearly heard this before) A wall.
TRUMP: Along the Mexican border.
NEWSCASTER: You mean a wall that spans the entire length of the Mexican border? That would be a very long wall, Mr. Trump, and, if you don’t mind my saying so, rather expensive.
TRUMP: (stubbornly) That doesn’t matter! Mexico’s going to pay for it!
NEWSCASTER: So you’re going to make Mexico pay for your wall? What are you going to do if they refuse?
TRUMP: They’ll pay! We need to keep them out of our country!
NEWSCASTER: (sighing) Is that all?
TRUMP: Not at all! I promise, everybody (he sweeps an arm out towards the crowd), that, at least temporarily, we will ban Muslims from entering the country!
NEWSCASTER: All Muslims?
TRUMP: All of them. Also, we should abolish birthright citizenship! Being born here does not make you a citizen!
NEWSCASTER: (glumly) And you, Mrs. Clinton?
CLINTON: I support broad immigration reform!
TRUMP humphs. The NEWSCASTER glares warningly at him.
CLINTON: Also, for certain groups of undocumented immigrants, like children and young people brought here illegally, I support protections! I will take on all components of our country’s struggling immigration system.
NEWSCASTER: Yes, all right. Now …
TRUMP: (accusingly) Hold on a minute, Miss Newslady, where’s the criticism?
NEWSCASTER: Criticism?
TRUMP: You can’t criticize my plan and not criticize hers!
NEWSCASTER: Well, I---
TRUMP: (pointing at her) You’re biased! You’re biased!
The noise from the crowd builds up. Fade to black, then back in as the noise dies down.
NEWSCASTER: Well, folks, sorry for the interruption, let’s get back to it! (she smiles weakly) We’ll start with you, Mrs. Clinton. Now, I’d love to hear your views on the environment! Do you believe in climate change?
CLINTON: (not necessarily sincerely) Absolutely, climate change is a serious issue.
NEWSCASTER: Do you support the Paris Climate Accord?
CLINTON: Yes, I do. I plan to do whatever can be done to reduce our greenhouse gas emissions, and invest in renewable energy.
NEWSCASTER: Mr. Trump?
TRUMP: (who has been pouting at the bias of the NEWSCASTER) What?
NEWSCASTER: What do you think of climate change?
TRUMP: (indignantly) What do I think of climate change?! It doesn’t exist! It’s a total hoax!
NEWSCASTER: However---
TRUMP: Climate change is a myth, Miss Newslady!
NEWSCASTER: That’s not my name---
TRUMP: I support fracking, and will be constructing a new oil pipeline all the way to Canada!
CLINTON: (breaking in) Climate change is a very real issue, Mr. Trump!
TRUMP: Don’t let ‘em fool you! It’s all a lie!
CLINTON: Say that in fifty years when the planet’s too hot to be inhabitable!
TRUMP: Can you see the future? Tell you what, Hillary, I can see our future, and there is no climate change in it! I will make our country great!
NEWSCASTER: (frantically) Gentlemen! I mean, gentleman! And lady! Can we move on?
TRUMP and CLINTON reluctantly fall silent.
NEWSCASTER: Now, let’s move on to terrorism. Mrs. Clinton? Where do you stand on the issue?
CLINTON: We have to step up airstrikes to combat ISIS, and we need to help the local forces to defeat them. And we need to find a diplomatic solution to the civil war in Syria! Then we can stem regional violence!
TRUMP: (scoffing) Don’t be ridiculous! We have to take away the oil that funds ISIS! That’s what we gotta do! We’ve got to make the military bigger, and we’ve got to “bomb the hell out of ISIS!”
NEWSCASTER: I was going to ask you, Mr. Trump, there was no need to---
The noise builds up again. The NEWSCASTER slams her hands down on the table.
NEWSCASTER: Excuse me! We are not finished here!
TRUMP and CLINTON sulkily fall silent and turn back.
NEWSCASTER: Now, let’s discuss the United States’s role in the world. Mr. Trump?
TRUMP: We need to give Japan and South Korea nuclear weapons! They need to rely less on us, and they need to be able to hold their own against North Korea!
NEWSCASTER: And NATO?
TRUMP: What’s the value? It’s pointless!
NEWSCASTER: (sighing) What about the nuclear deal?
TRUMP: (loudly) We should tear it up!
NEWSCASTER: (dubiously) Tear it up? Wouldn’t simply abolishing it be good enough?
TRUMP: No! We’ve got to tear it up!
NEWSCASTER sighs.
NEWSCASTER: Mrs. Clinton?
CLINTON: We have to keep working with the North Atlantic Treaty Organization to fend off Russia and China’s growing aggression and the threats from North Korea.
NEWSCASTER: The nuclear deal?
CLINTON: (staunchly, excessively so) I support it.
TRUMP scoffs.
NEWSCASTER: (quickly) How about guns? Mr. Trump?
TRUMP: Bans on assault weapons won’t work!
NEWSCASTER: Why not?
TRUMP: They won’t work!! We won’t expand background checks, either.
CLINTON: Don’t be ridiculous. We have to ban assault rifles, and expand background checks. And—
TRUMP: (at the same time as CLINTON) However—
TRUMP and CLINTON: (at the same time, obviously thinking they are going to be saying different things and each ready for a fight)—anyone on a terrorism watchlist shouldn’t be allowed to purchase a gun, because …
They trail off and falter, then glare accusingly at each other, scandalized at having agreed on a point. The NEWSCASTER looks shocked.
Fade to black.
Fade in to the NEWSCASTER’s desk. The NEWSCASTER does not look enthused at the camera in front of her, and sighs before plastering on a fake smile.
NEWSCASTER: Hello, everybody, and welcome to this (she hesitates, and the grin falters) thrilling prelude to the presidential debate, where our two main political candidates have gathered for a friendly chat about their political philosophies. (she sighs and attempts to bolster her smile) Yes, that’s right, everyone, we have here both Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton and the Republican candidate, the outspoken Donald Trump!
Mixed cheers, boos, and groans of disbelief come from the crowd. The camera zooms out to show TRUMP and CLINTON sitting by the NEWSCASTER’s desk. CLINTON looks bored and TRUMP looks irate.
The NEWSCASTER looks down at her desk and pulls a dreading face, then looks up to turn to the candidates.
NEWSCASTER: (condescendingly) Now, then, you two are both here in a purely professional sense, so I would appreciate if you would keep the answers civil and the conversation civilized.
Neither candidate looks willing.
CLINTON: (reluctantly) I’ll try.
TRUMP: (loudly) I am the figurehead of civility. I am always civil!
NEWSCASTER: Eh---of course you both are. Now, then, to start off the discussion, I’d like to bring up the topic of … (she pauses both dramatically and reluctantly) Economics! (she pauses) So, Mr. Trump, I’ll start with you … How do you feel about the minimum wage?
TRUMP: The minimum wage? It’s great, I tell you. What we need to do is fix our trade deals! American companies and workers are getting the short shrift. We’ve gotta do something!
NEWSCASTER: (looking a bit lost) All right.
TRUMP: We need to tax our goods from China more! Forty-five percent more! And tax our big corporations less. That’s the way to go! And a simpler tax code, then we’ll be great!
NEWSCASTER: (sighing) Right. And, Mrs. Clinton … the minimum wage?
CLINTON: We need to raise it---it’s much too low.
NEWSCASTER: Raise it to what, then?
CLINTON: (stubbornly) At least twelve dollars an hour.
NEWSCASTER: And where is this money going to come from?
CLINTON: We need to tax wealthy Americans more! That’s where the money will come from. And furthermore, we have to spend more money on roads and bridges. We have to grow the economy!
The NEWSCASTER sighs and looks glumly away before turning back.
NEWSCASTER: I know that this next issue is a very controversial one for the both of you, so please let’s not be at each other’s throats, (she smiles condescendingly), okay? Mr. Trump, I know you don’t want to wait your turn, so let’s start with you again for our talk on the issue of (she hesitates, biting her lip) Immigration!
TRUMP: (jutting out his lower lip) We need to build a wall.
NEWSCASTER: (having clearly heard this before) A wall.
TRUMP: Along the Mexican border.
NEWSCASTER: You mean a wall that spans the entire length of the Mexican border? That would be a very long wall, Mr. Trump, and, if you don’t mind my saying so, rather expensive.
TRUMP: (stubbornly) That doesn’t matter! Mexico’s going to pay for it!
NEWSCASTER: So you’re going to make Mexico pay for your wall? What are you going to do if they refuse?
TRUMP: They’ll pay! We need to keep them out of our country!
NEWSCASTER: (sighing) Is that all?
TRUMP: Not at all! I promise, everybody (he sweeps an arm out towards the crowd), that, at least temporarily, we will ban Muslims from entering the country!
NEWSCASTER: All Muslims?
TRUMP: All of them. Also, we should abolish birthright citizenship! Being born here does not make you a citizen!
NEWSCASTER: (glumly) And you, Mrs. Clinton?
CLINTON: I support broad immigration reform!
TRUMP humphs. The NEWSCASTER glares warningly at him.
CLINTON: Also, for certain groups of undocumented immigrants, like children and young people brought here illegally, I support protections! I will take on all components of our country’s struggling immigration system.
NEWSCASTER: Yes, all right. Now …
TRUMP: (accusingly) Hold on a minute, Miss Newslady, where’s the criticism?
NEWSCASTER: Criticism?
TRUMP: You can’t criticize my plan and not criticize hers!
NEWSCASTER: Well, I---
TRUMP: (pointing at her) You’re biased! You’re biased!
The noise from the crowd builds up. Fade to black, then back in as the noise dies down.
NEWSCASTER: Well, folks, sorry for the interruption, let’s get back to it! (she smiles weakly) We’ll start with you, Mrs. Clinton. Now, I’d love to hear your views on the environment! Do you believe in climate change?
CLINTON: (not necessarily sincerely) Absolutely, climate change is a serious issue.
NEWSCASTER: Do you support the Paris Climate Accord?
CLINTON: Yes, I do. I plan to do whatever can be done to reduce our greenhouse gas emissions, and invest in renewable energy.
NEWSCASTER: Mr. Trump?
TRUMP: (who has been pouting at the bias of the NEWSCASTER) What?
NEWSCASTER: What do you think of climate change?
TRUMP: (indignantly) What do I think of climate change?! It doesn’t exist! It’s a total hoax!
NEWSCASTER: However---
TRUMP: Climate change is a myth, Miss Newslady!
NEWSCASTER: That’s not my name---
TRUMP: I support fracking, and will be constructing a new oil pipeline all the way to Canada!
CLINTON: (breaking in) Climate change is a very real issue, Mr. Trump!
TRUMP: Don’t let ‘em fool you! It’s all a lie!
CLINTON: Say that in fifty years when the planet’s too hot to be inhabitable!
TRUMP: Can you see the future? Tell you what, Hillary, I can see our future, and there is no climate change in it! I will make our country great!
NEWSCASTER: (frantically) Gentlemen! I mean, gentleman! And lady! Can we move on?
TRUMP and CLINTON reluctantly fall silent.
NEWSCASTER: Now, let’s move on to terrorism. Mrs. Clinton? Where do you stand on the issue?
CLINTON: We have to step up airstrikes to combat ISIS, and we need to help the local forces to defeat them. And we need to find a diplomatic solution to the civil war in Syria! Then we can stem regional violence!
TRUMP: (scoffing) Don’t be ridiculous! We have to take away the oil that funds ISIS! That’s what we gotta do! We’ve got to make the military bigger, and we’ve got to “bomb the hell out of ISIS!”
NEWSCASTER: I was going to ask you, Mr. Trump, there was no need to---
The noise builds up again. The NEWSCASTER slams her hands down on the table.
NEWSCASTER: Excuse me! We are not finished here!
TRUMP and CLINTON sulkily fall silent and turn back.
NEWSCASTER: Now, let’s discuss the United States’s role in the world. Mr. Trump?
TRUMP: We need to give Japan and South Korea nuclear weapons! They need to rely less on us, and they need to be able to hold their own against North Korea!
NEWSCASTER: And NATO?
TRUMP: What’s the value? It’s pointless!
NEWSCASTER: (sighing) What about the nuclear deal?
TRUMP: (loudly) We should tear it up!
NEWSCASTER: (dubiously) Tear it up? Wouldn’t simply abolishing it be good enough?
TRUMP: No! We’ve got to tear it up!
NEWSCASTER sighs.
NEWSCASTER: Mrs. Clinton?
CLINTON: We have to keep working with the North Atlantic Treaty Organization to fend off Russia and China’s growing aggression and the threats from North Korea.
NEWSCASTER: The nuclear deal?
CLINTON: (staunchly, excessively so) I support it.
TRUMP scoffs.
NEWSCASTER: (quickly) How about guns? Mr. Trump?
TRUMP: Bans on assault weapons won’t work!
NEWSCASTER: Why not?
TRUMP: They won’t work!! We won’t expand background checks, either.
CLINTON: Don’t be ridiculous. We have to ban assault rifles, and expand background checks. And—
TRUMP: (at the same time as CLINTON) However—
TRUMP and CLINTON: (at the same time, obviously thinking they are going to be saying different things and each ready for a fight)—anyone on a terrorism watchlist shouldn’t be allowed to purchase a gun, because …
They trail off and falter, then glare accusingly at each other, scandalized at having agreed on a point. The NEWSCASTER looks shocked.
Fade to black.
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NewWriter1
Sep 27, 2016
Fiona,
Eerily accurate.
Obviously you did some research. Good for you. You captured each candidate, the tone, the inherent frustration of the questioner. Very interesting read. Thanks for sharing.