Anticipation

This is the worst kind of anticipation

this anticipation isn't just fear of what is to come

it's laced around the edges with knowledge of how it went last time

of how a repeat of last year is most likely inevitable.

This is the kind of anticipation that haunts you 24-7

reminding you that you'll never be prepared

no matter how ready I think I am

despite my efforts to keep up and ready myself.

Anticipation of this kind is a friend of fear

an ally to nervousness and worry

a cousin of anxiety.

I never will defeat anticipation

it returns every time

persistent

unapologetic of its declaration of its presence

unafraid to tell the world who it is

never bound by empathy or compassion

anticipation thrives in the emotions that churn in its path

emotional turmoil and chaos

it never lets up

it is relentless

it returns every time

but each of its reoccurring arrivals

is worse than the last.