There are a couple things I am certain of.

  1. I am certain that I am a drug addict. I will forever and always crave the thing that seeks to destroy me. 
  2. I am certain that I do not want to be sober. I want to feel whole again. I want to be carefree and happy. I cannot do that without drugs. 
  3. I am most certainly sure that I am in love. Her name is Hanna and she is the only thing that makes me uncertain of my first two certainties. I love her laugh I love her smile. I love the way she holds up her hands in pictures. I love that she always wears bucket hats. I love how she holds me. And whispers in my ear. I love her as a whole and that's for certain. 
  4. I am certain that I was supposed to be born male. I look in the mirror with my hands on my chest. Trying to take away my woman hood. I was raised in a mostly female household. Taught how to walk at night. But since I could form memories I knew. I knew that this body is not my own. I cut my hair and I make my voice deeper. But still no one else sees it. But I am most definitely certain that I am in fact male. 
  5. Lastly but definitely not least I am certain that I am a writer. That the only way I can truly understand myself and others is through my fingers. Whether on paper or keyboard. I write and write. My fingers cramping but my mind continues. I have so many ideas. I am certain that writing is my passion. 


Posted in response to the challenge Certain.



17 years old

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