The end of the beginning

My father texted me on Valentine's day 

Three years ago I would've responded

But this year I asked who it was

I had deleted his contact 

I don't regret it 

Because my dad died years ago

I know I can never have her like I want to

If I could even have her like that I wouldn't take it

Not anymore 

But maybe in another lifetime I would 

My heart only beats for her

My mind has gone numb 

My hands are ice cold 

Each day blends into the next

Each word pulls me closer to the edge

Nothing is the absence of something