First Love… Unrequited

You’re my best friend

You’re always there for me

You support me constantly 

And understand

In ways no one else could

We met in 8th grade

Introduced by a mutual friend

Whom we know both despise

He told me you’d been talking about me

You had seen me in class

Wanted to be friends

But didn’t know how to approach

Or talk to me

I was flabbergasted

I didn’t know what to say

So I watched

I watched you shift restlessly

Murmuring under your breath

Tapping your foot

And tucking hair behind your ear

I fell for you right then

As I waved and said hi

I’d fallen into a trap

That you didn’t know you’d laid

I talked to you in class

And we got sat together

Before long

I told you I loved you

You said it back

Not realizing what I meant

We existed like this for so long

And I watched you grow

And change

And blossom

I helped you confess to your crush

I watched them kiss you

Watched you kiss them back

I watched while you talked

Then wandered away

Robbing me of my compass

Of you

Then they broke your heart

And I helped you

Pick up the pieces

I didn’t want to ever see you hurt again

I’ve always been a rash person

I make snap decisions

That could change things

Forever

“Can I tell you something I probably shouldn’t”

I asked over text

Unable to face you

If I should face rejection 

“Sure” you said calmly

Trusting me

“I love you”

And this time

You understand 

You knew what I meant

I held my breath

Watching those little

Typing bubbles

“I love you too”

My heart stuttered

Surly I’d read it wrong

I couldn’t believe

I was giddy with joy

“Will you be my boyfriend/partner”

I typed and hit send

So we dated

And I was amazed

“Can I kiss you”

I asked in my backyard

Holding your cold hand in mine

“Yes”

This time

I kissed you

And you kissed me back

And I finally understood 

What all those books said

About butterflies and sparks and lightning

And knowing when you’ve found 

Your person(s)

But we didn’t exist like this for long

You fell out of love

Now I’m still your best friend

And you tell me you love me

But it’s as a friend

While I love you as so much more

Now we still talk every day

Still laugh about our

Hyper fixations and special interests

But it’s different 

Although we’re very physically affectionate 

I second guess myself

Am I still allowed

To hug you for ages in public

When I can see you shaking

Am I still allowed

To be a pillow for your head

Can I still warm your cold hands

While we talk in my backyard

It’s been a year since we “broke up”

I’ve never thought of it

As a breakup

It was a changing of relationship

A transition back to friendship

Because in a break up

Something has to break

And although my heart

Cracked a little

As long as I have you by my side

It will remain whole

You were my first love

You are my best friend

You are my unrequited love

First Love… Unrequited