Posts
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Some days
Some days I look through my folder
Flip through my books
Scroll through PDFs
And I just don't want to
Just don't feel like it
Just not in the mood
And suddenly I am terrified
Terrified
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Who am I?
Sometimes I think
Of what my life would be without this
Without the conductor who changed my life
Without my duet partner who taught me how to perform
Without my instrument
Without the music
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This summer
I should be being
A teenager
Walking around
Biking the village with friends
Creemees
Candy
Joking
Laughing
Teasing
Farmers markets
Confessions
Crushes
Running around
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All the little things
All the little things
Add up
Matter
A lot to me
Everything
We met you
For the first time in years
You
All three of you
Are in college
Have lives
Away from us
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I wish
I wish I could be you.
Running to your room
Plugging your ears
Whenever there's a scary part of a movie
And coming back out in time
To see the happy ending -
Closing your eyes
Covering your face
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This man
This man
With a family who loves him
But can't help him
Because he needs to help himself first
This man
Drunk on hatred for himself
For this world
"Hopeless", they all say
With their eyes
Loves
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Some days
Some days I look through my folder
Flip through my books
Scroll through PDFs
And I just don't want to
Just don't feel like it
Just not in the mood
And suddenly I am terrified
Terrified
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The Great Similarity
We
Contain multitudes,
Infinite differences
And variations; it is
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Tears
My tears taste of memories,
slipping from my eyes,
replaying on my cheeks,
leaving a trail of our past on my lips,
tasting of the bitter-sweet moments of us,
and finally,
silently,
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See you, brother
I don't think you're a waste of space,
I'll give you my room and my pillow
As long as you make the bed afterwards,
And close the windows to keep the rain out.
I don't think your not enough,
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my hair
my hair falls like clumps of tears
ready to be set free,
like chains held over my head.
i tied my hair into knots
of familial expectations,
the knot’s been untied,
and the cage has opened
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Mixed Feelings
I am sad
sad to not have weekly meetings with you
I am nervous
nervous of what I'll be doing this weekend
I am excited
excited to show off, to show my friends and family this tradition
I am apprehensive