A Half-Satirical Attempt At Explaining What It Feels Like to Attempt to Bargain With Time

Hey. So, it’s me. Like always.
Also, it’s 1230. I’m sure you’ll remember that, like always, I would love to be able to sleep. Maybe you’ll just give me another hour or two? See, I had things to do. Poetry. A portfolio. Actually, two.

No, I’m being serious. And reading. Come on, I was just reading. How do the hours even pass that fast? I swear someone’s playing tricks on me. There’s just so much. I just- you know, I just want to keep going. I just need a little time. Is that so much to ask?

And of course, the class work. Tests. I have midterms this week, alright? Like, four exams that determine my grade. Don’t forget the portfolios.

And soccer. Like, a lot of it.

…and so many emails.

Alright, you’ve stopped listening to me now. But look, you have to understand, alright? There’s just so much. So much to do. So much I don’t know. So many commitments, so many sacrifices. I can’t figure out how to fit it all in. It’s like- I blink, and suddenly another day has passed, but I have not moved forward at all. There’s no way to get ahead. But there’s the SAT in two months, and AP exams, and I’m going to college next year—

Ok, fine, sorry.

…and the world is burning.

I know. I know, alright? But how am I supposed to sit here and do trigonometry when people are being killed in the streets and ireversable damage is being done to the environment? I can’t just do nothing, but there’s no time to do anything! There’s no time to resist, no time to learn and grow, no time to do anything but tread water. I just need more time. I want to do it all. I want to feel it all. I want to watch the sunset and linger until frost has settled on my fingertips. I want to sit on the front porch until even the timid songbirds will perch next to me. I want to play every song I’ve ever heard on the piano until I can relish in each note as they ripple through space. I want to stand on the street corner listening to buskers and remember why humanity is worth it. I want to sing, laugh, paint, watch, listen, learn. I want to be able to do nothing but relish the world around me and be ok with it. I want to love. I want to live.

I just want us to live.

….yeah, I get it. It was a stupid question to ask in the first place. No one gets extra time. I’ll figure it out, though. I’ll survive. We all will. Our time is only precious because it doesn’t last forever. We’ll all get our chance at rest eventually. The point is to make it worth it, right?