The hidden fight

Everyday I fight a hidden fight.

you wouldn't know it.

I hide it,

At school, 

In class

at any moment I could breakdown in a fit of tears 

of pain

anger

because I have hearing loss.

I worry someone will notice and ask me and i'll have to say:

"Oh, yeah. I just have hearing loss. (Insert joke about hearing here.)"

But everyday in school I have to try so damn hard to hear the teacher.

Even with the assistive technology it's not a perfect fix.

Never has been probably never will be.

every month or so I have a breakdown in my room from all of the built up stress and anxiety from it all.

Never in front of my friends

That would be embarrassing.

If I feel like I might cry in school,

I close my eyes right and breath.

hard.

centering myself to where I am.

I might turn off my hearing aids.

I don't care what the teachers saying. 

I just can't break down.

Any loud noises feel like a punch in the face at these times.

Yet I still try every day not matter how hard.

nobody can see it but I am trying twice as hard to get the same information.

F**k!