I Am NOT Afraid Of The Dark!

I am NOT scared of the dark.
The soupy inky blackness hardly phases me.
Monsters under the bed?
Pu-lease
Creepy spiders in the covers?
Borr-ing
Electric tentacles of death swooping inside 
from the inky blackness of night to paralyze 
me with one sheer look from its terrifying face?
What is this? A bedtime story?
Do I look four to you?
You can put me in a room so devoid of light
I can't see the hand in front of my face 
and I swear, I will be content. Happy even.
Because in that void of darkness there is nothing I am scared of –
ghosts, banshees, bears, demons, blood sucking vampires –
give me a break. 
I'm not scared of shadows, or prehistoric swamp monsters or claw crazy fury beasts.
None of that is real. Besides, monsters are way too big to fit underneath my bed. 
I'm rational that way.
I am one with the colorless, shapeless hues of the night.
They all melt together until you see nothing. 
And if you can't see anything, is it really there?
Of course not. Duuhhh. 

So what I'm trying to say is..!? What is that... in the mirror?

Oh my god-
GAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Oh my gosh what is that?!?
Oh my GOSH it's HiDiOuS! AHHH!! Help! HELLLPPP!!
IT'S RIGHT IN THE MIRROR! OH IT'S TERRIFYINGGG! IT'S MOVING!?!
The HAIR! The TEETH! The CLOTHES! OH so much RED!! THE HORROR!!!


Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Is that ME in the mirror in my red firetruck pajamas and a rats nest of a hair-do? 
The one with the puffy bloodshot eyes and giant white-toothed grin?
It IS? Really??
...Well. Why did you turn the light on.
...No wonder I was scared. You can't just flip the light on.
Do you want to give me a heart attack?! 
Did I ask you to turn the light ON when I look like I came from the depths of the bed sheets this early?
What is this Christmas Day? HMMMM?
You think I'm brave enough to face my disheveled appearance in the daylight?

Anyways. Where was I?
Oh. Right.
I am NOT scared of the dark.
Because I know better than to think there are monsters in the closets and mummies outside my windows.
That's for babies.
I like the soupy black blanket that covers my room
and makes all objects in its presence become dystopian gadgets. 
In fact, I like the listless inky manifestations the night time brings.
Where you can't see your hands in front of your retina or tell a shadow from your door. 

But once you turn the light on.
Well then – you see everything.
And let me tell you: It ain't a pretty sight!