I wonder..

I wonder what it would be like to not love you.

What would happen if I let go?

I didn't hold on tight enough when it counted,

and now I'm stuck not able to let the rest of you slip through the cracks. 

Could I stop being stuck in the past picturing the future that didn't happen?

A tux is a nice look on you,

I picture it often,

the ring on your left hand our last name engraved into it.

Would I not have this sinking feeling?

It would be nice not to feel the panic of not being able to get you back,

it would be nice if the imaginary clock didn't keep ticking off the days you have been gone. 

Would I be happy?

would not loving you make me happy?

would not loving you make you happy?

The only future I see is one with you,

what would my future be if you weren't in it?

Would I live a life that isn't grounded in the past?

And would my eyes not be stained with years of tears?

It's funny how one small crinkle in your life can affect every second after.

I wonder what it would be like if you loved me.