I cannot sleep
Once again.
I lie awake
Wishing I could see
The stars.
Instead I see
This room and
Its hideous orange walls.
The walls seem to move
Closing in around me.
I’m so accustomed
To these bouts of
Insomnia
That I no longer
Question
When I start
To laugh hysterically.
On the walls
My mom’s paintings
Seem to laugh back.
They were so awful to me,
And yet
They seemed to care.
They manipulated,
Twisted,
Hurt,
And destroyed me.
And yet I can't
Seem to let them go.
Even knowing
How badly they could
I'm scared.
I can't believe we're here
Again.
I can't believe this is reality
Again.
Four years
They say.
It's only four years.
But it's four years
Of a living hell for me.
They laugh
The sorrow I know
Is like no other.
It is too deep
Too raw
Too real.
And as I stand here
Within its everlasting clutches
I find little bursts of hope.
And these little burst of light
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