Just Breathe

Just breathe, that’s what I’m told
In and out
You’re feeling anxious? Just breathe.
You can’t sleep? Just breathe. 
As I breathe in and out, and in and out 
I think about the time where I didn’t want to breathe
When I hoped to stop it all.
I feel my head start to spin
as all these thoughts come tumbling in
But it’s ok because I remember to just breathe.
In and out like they taught me.
In for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four.
Repeat. Repeat until it slows down.
 

I’ve been told this so many times it is engraved in my mind
As those words were slowly being etched in deep grooves
I hoped I would stop breathing,
hoped it would all stop and I would never have to 
Breathe in and out to slow the thoughts ever again.
I’ve been told to “just breathe” for the past 4 years in therapy.
 

But has my therapist ever thought of what I should do
when I don’t want to breathe anymore,
when I just want the world to stop spinning,
maybe not forever but just for a little bit.
I think about this a lot.
When the ringing in my ears becomes a little louder,
when the chatter in my head becomes overpowering ,
will sleeping all day stop it all? 
will laying in bed all day stop it all?
No, nothing will stop it all.
But then I remember 
In for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four.
And it all goes away,
Maybe not forever, No definitely not forever, but long enough to center myself
and remember that it will be ok, someday.
 

So maybe that’s what I need to “Just breathe’
Its so cliche “just breathe” everyone is told that
But it really does help, temporarily, 
and each time you take another breath that calm stays
A little longer
So, remember to just breathe.