A Letter for Everyone on YWP – One Last Time

Dear YWP, 

The first time I wrote you a letter I was 13. 

The second, 15. 

I'm 18 now; how time flies, my lovely people. 

And this is the last letter. 

My name is Stargirl – to you on YWP. To everyone else, my name is Siri. 

And if you're thinking, "Like the phone," then yes, like the phone :) 

I tell people they named it after me. 

I have red-red hair, eyes that never stay the same color, an allergy to lavender, and a dream that I have yet to figure out. 

I have an immense amount of love and gratitude for you, YWP. 

I will always stand by that first letter, thanking you for saving my life. I couldn't have done it without all of you. 

I wish I could say all of this to you in person. 

This is the last letter because I leave in two weeks. And even though it'd be entirely possible to bring this entire, lovely community with me, I've decided this is something for me to do alone. Because time never stops moving, lovely people, and it's time for me to move with it. 

I didn't know what I would find when I first came on here. I wasn't expecting the love, the support, finding people who just get it without questions. 

I was so incredibly sick with Lyme, and in a relationship that was really bad for me. Writing with you was my escape. It always has been. I hope you know, YWP, I planted flowers and they're blooming for you. Lilies and echinacea and lupines, everything lovely, just like you. 

And since this is the last letter, let me tell you everything :) 

I learned to bike when I learned to walk. I moved all over New England and found that calling a place Home didn't work anymore because it wouldn't be that way for long. I was homeschooled until high school. I tried to drive my mom's truck and drove it into the ditch when I was 12. I still hate wearing shoes outside. My favorite color is whatever color the sky is that day, today it's a lilac gray. I had a few close friends until high school, and then I had many, I moved again to a different high school and then met more. High school was hard, I could do it but I didn't want to, my people were the only ones who kept me going. At the first high school, I met a boy freshman year. And meeting him felt like the wooden walls of that school, waiting on the steps every morning until it was time for class. And then it felt like fire and ice. I wrote on here about him a little, but only the few good parts. The rest hurt and I didn't know how to get out. But I had to keep going, and the trauma buried itself for years so I'd be able to keep going. 

My second high school was big. Too many people, so many different languages, and so many emotions. I made friends, lost friends, gained friends back, and found hate for others. I met a boy I'd met years before, and hurt him like no one should have to feel. He was not a mistake, but I made one. My group of people here were needed. We needed each other during this period, in a way that none of us knew before, or realized during that time. As soon as we graduated, the text messages and plans stopped, and that's okay. We knew there was a time, and that we weren't in it anymore. 

I have someone now, who I fall in love with all over again, every day. He made junior and senior year so incredibly vibrant, and continues to do so now, too. He and I are scared, scared for the future and the changes and the growth, but we're determined to grow together, grow into adults, grow into ourselves, grow old. My lovely people, if you are ever lucky enough to find a love like the one I have, hold onto it. And if it's ever time to let it go, I pray it never is, all I will say is if you don't try, you'll never know. If your person is worth it, then always fight for your Us. 

I'm heading to college for holistic health, to learn how to help people heal. So many helped me, I feel the need to pass it forward. I'm incredibly excited, terrified, and ready to be deep in debt. I'm ready to become fully me, to find a path, to be fully in control. I've gotten to the point where I feel the need to leave. It means I'm finally ready, I think.

YWP, thank you for the love. Thank you for the fun, the sad, the comfort, the understanding and the connection. 

Thank you for the autumn days, falling leaves flashing silver, and the snowy nights. Thank you for watching the sunrise and sunset with me, the floods and growing grass. Thank you for teaching me to stay in the moment, because before you know it, it's past. Thank you for the sky, the moon, the rain and stars and all the colors. Thank you for healing me, for being here for me, and for saving my life. Thank you for the strength you've given me, the hope, and the appreciation for the stormy moments. Thank you for your poems, opinions, stories, novels, pictures, and your voices. Please don't ever stop writing, lovely people. 

I hope you've enjoyed reading what I've put out as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope you stay strong with your words, don't ever let anyone stop you. I hope you feel as much love from me as I've felt from you. I hope you know that you deserve the world, the universe, the moon and all the stars. The flowers and trees, too. And the sun. I'll give you the sun, too. I hope Young Writers Project is something you hold onto and cherish. I hope you continue to save lives, just as you have saved mine. 

I have loved every single moment of these years with you, YWP. I continue to love every single one of you on here, and I am always on your side. 

For the last time, with all of my love,

Love, Stargirl

If you ever want to, dm me on instagram :) @gingersnapp_88