Stargirl

It’s that feeling

Of awkwardness

Of excitement

Of twenty million things on the tip of your tongue

Of so many words that will never be said.

“Men are dogs,” I say to my friend as she kneels at the foot of her bed, like a child waiting for her mother’s strong arms. Yet, I am her friend tonight, so my scrawny arms make a cheap cradle.

I’m 16. 

That means I have 2 more falls till I leave home,

2 more Saturdays spent raking autumn leaves,

2 more Halloween parties,

2 more homecomings,

2 more visits to the pumpkin patch, 

“You like him”

“No, I don’t” 

“Yes you do”

“What are you talking about”

“Have you seen the way, your eyes look at him” 

“No”

“Have you seen the way your cheeks flush”

“No”

she was wildflowers and star-filled skies

she was screaming and laughing

she was loving so hard you can't think anymore

she was jumping off a cliff and the feel of water on your skin

she was your wildest dreams

I have come to realize that the most tender thing is not pain, but happiness. 

So random, so elusive, an intangible wisp in the void. 

I can't control how long it stays, before it