Stargirl

I stopped standing the day that everyone else stopped standing for us

I have not put my hand over my heart in over a year because what is there to hide?

I was born here with the blonde hair and blue eyes

I went to work the day after they announced it. I stocked the shelves and listened to the radio from the speakers in the warehouse ceilings. Cars were piling up at the exits, trying to get out of town.

It’s that feeling

Of awkwardness

Of excitement

Of twenty million things on the tip of your tongue

Of so many words that will never be said.

“Men are dogs,” I say to my friend as she kneels at the foot of her bed, like a child waiting for her mother’s strong arms. Yet, I am her friend tonight, so my scrawny arms make a cheap cradle.

I’m 16. 

That means I have 2 more falls till I leave home,

2 more Saturdays spent raking autumn leaves,

2 more Halloween parties,

2 more homecomings,

2 more visits to the pumpkin patch, 

“You like him”

“No, I don’t” 

“Yes you do”

“What are you talking about”

“Have you seen the way, your eyes look at him” 

“No”

“Have you seen the way your cheeks flush”

“No”