Missing

I didn't even realize how old she was

and she's not even my cat

and I didn't know her all that well

but I'm still crying

because she's not going to be there anymore

and I wanted to give her one of my fuzzy wormy-on-a-string things

and she was so sweet

and I loved being updated about what evil thing she did

whether it was scratching at my friend's door in the middle of the night for no reason

or literally taking bites out of her notebooks

and when I went over to my friend's house

she and her brother would sit there

and her brother would look at me in a way that said, who are you, can I have food?

But she would recognize me and follow us upstairs

and we would talk about nothing while entertaining ourselves and her

and she was great

and I don't want to use "was" anymore when I talk about her

because I don't want to say "was" because that clearly implies that she's gone

and I won't say it

I can't say it

I'm not going to say it

I just miss her already

and I want to give her a funeral

but I'm not sure if we can do that

and I don't think I could handle that

based on my reaction

and I wish she was still here

I want her to still be here

I need her to still be here