Perspective

You are 99% sure your friend wants to kill herself, and you are making it worse.

You try telling her you love her and she should learn how to love herself, too, but for some reason the words come out all wrong, sounding less like "I love you" and more like "Why are you complaining?"
But that's not what you mean at all, and you don't know what she's hearing.

And now she's yelling at you and telling you you're not "emotionally intelligent," and you feel stupid, and now you look stupid, too cos you're both crying.

She feels like she doesn't have any friends, and you now think you're not good enough.

She doesn't get it.

You look at her cover her mouth as she laughs, as she smiles, as she eats.
You notice the angle she tilts her head when she takes photos and the face she makes after she looks at the pictures.
You watch her check her reflection uncertainly in every and any reflective surface, listen to her compliment everyone else's body while making jokes about her own--

She doesn't get it.

She doesn't get that when the light hits her face, sometimes you just stand there and stare and wish you were more talented with the paintbrush because right then you wanted to paint her so bad.
Because
In my eyes
There's nothing I would change, just one thing I want to say
Before she leaves:
***
Isa--
It's okay if the pain is too much.
Just wait a second; don't do it today
The weather's so crappy.
Wait until the sun comes out so you look beautiful when you die.

Can we catch up tomorrow? Down at the Kroger next to the high school?
Yeah, our usual spot.
And if we so happen to go to our usual boba place next to the Kumon, then let's get our two Tiger Milk Teas; that's fine.
Then maybe you can shoot it and die.

But wait once more--
Don't die on a full stomach.
Let's just head back to the Cinemark.
Watch a movie together.
Didn't you want to watch the Backrooms movie with me?
It's about to come out; don't you want to see it?

And if you fall asleep again on the roof of the office building
Next to the theater
It's all good.

Because of course there's tomorrow,
Where we might walk behind the neighborhood,
Next to the sewage pipes
And that huge crashing river--
We haven't been in so long!
We'll walk, and wonder, and wish
And maybe you'll learn a little bit from me,
To look within yourself,
Really in yourself,
And see what's there
And love yourself for it.

And one last thing, sorry for keeping you so long.
If you really do want to die
And I'm not being overdramatic
Then hear me:
You will die.
You will die, but not now.

Everything in this world is survivable,
Right up until the very last thing.