Planning
Every day
Every chance that is given
Scheduling
Organizing RSVPs
Bugging people to respond.
Talking to the caterer -
We can have bourekas after all -
And studying
Writing the speech
Studying more
And more
And more.
Trying to revive the wilted playlist
Making lists on docs of supplies
Of the food we want
On
And on
And on
Nonstop planning
For something that I never wanted.
Some of us
will push and push to get closer
others
will nudge gently and give up
but I don't try to do either
I want to wait patiently until you let me in
closer
before you close up
Each poem
each message
deleted
one
after
the other.
The words don't flow freely anymore,
now slow and sticky
not flying out my fingers in their regular way.
I can't make it work
The day I lost my youth completely
the sweet scent of childhood
swept away by the sharp,
tangy,
sensation of adolescence.
I have chased after my hopes and dreams
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