A Reminder

I keep reminding myself that this journey is not linear.
That the unbroken skin isn’t calling to make it dirty again.
That my presence shouldn’t have to shrink with growing insecurities.
That my functioning vessel doesn’t need corruption to continue.

I keep reminding myself of this. 
Yet I still request that my future is like the river months after a flood.
Serenely flowing in a frivolous manner down an impromptu path.

I keep reminding myself recovery isn’t romantic.
It’s not nearly as beautiful as the awakening addicts see in their darkest hour.
It’s unknowing like death, or more so what comes after. 
So like I have done with death, I accept that it will never be the end.