The Rot Inside of Me

There is an inexplicable rot inside of me that is incapable of removal

The urge to extract it has incessantly bugged me since birth

First I open up the wooden drawer under my kitchen sink, take out a spoon, and  try to scrape it out like the guts of a pomegranate

I find that this only removes some of it, but only the husk

I place the extracted piece on the spoon and insert the spoon into my mouth it tastes  bitter

But i must continue–i should try and remove more than just the outer sheddings of my disease

I then stand in front of the mirror, identifying everything wrong with me and attempting to  stick my shovel in the soil of my problems to discover the root cause of the rot but that does nothing except claw restlessly at the wood of the wide, thick roots of my insecurities  that have been growing rapidly inside me since I was a small child

I remove my shovel from the dried soil and see that the tool has come up clean with no dirt or worms on it

No evidence of evil underground but i know there is  something there

There has to be

I will try again this time it’ll work

I rip off the bandages that cover my damaged skin  there is evidence of rot there, right?

Unfastening velcro casts to discover more skin and bone i will dig,

deep into the framework of my body deep into the marrow discovering unplumbed parts  that i havent seen before but the depth of me feels immeasurable 

As i traverse through myself i see memories of pain that affected me in the past they are represented in the form of scars and blemishes

But these are only passing injuries they are not permanent,, and i am searching for the thing that has haunted me forever  the rot is starting to infect my brain

I find myself falling deeper and deeper into an endless, gaping mouth  as i yearn for the answer i start to succumb to the void of emptiness–it feels easier than the search.

My entire body starts to shut down, i am becoming cosmic 

and i think i have finally found the answer–

if one part is rotten, then there is no point in saving the rest