She used to

She used to smile.

She used to laugh.

She used to not care.

She still smiled and laughed,

but it wasn't real.

She used to not care but then she did.

When did it start?

When did she start to fall off the edge?

When did she start to care more about how she looked,

the way she talked,

the way she ate-

When did she stop smiling for real,

stop laughing when she means it?

When did she start to become a people pleaser?

When she used to be wild, and free,

and wouldn't make herself small so others could feel big.

She started fake smiling and laughing in 5th grade.

She started trying to keep everybody happy back in 6th.

She started to care more about everything back in 7th.

She started to make herself small in 8th.

Apparently she was suicidal in 9th.

She always said she was fine.

She never complained.

She had lots of friends.

I didn't know she had bullies,

she never said so.

She sat on the train tracks near our house last night.

But before she left she set a note on the kitchen counter.

She said it was too much.

She said her bullies threatened to kill her if she told.

She said her friends were fake, and pressured her to change to fit in.

So she started to become a fake person,

because if she was fake and somebody said something about her,

it wouldn't hurt as much.

She used to smile.

She used to laugh.

She used to not care.

And now she can't anymore.