Stuck in September

“Hey! Congrats, you finished! Would you like to see how far you’ve come?”

“Finished? What do you mean finished? It’s barely been a week, are you kidding me?”

I grab my backpack in a rush, unaware of my surroundings. I’m already late for my next class and it’s only September. I can’t afford to get started off on the wrong foot with anyone.

It’s oddly quiet, but that’s the least of my worries. Shoot, what time is practice later? I don’t even know. Ugh, it’s September. What are you doing? It’s too early for this crap, pull yourself together.

“It’s time to wake up.”

I freeze.

I didn’t know I was asleep.

Or maybe I did,

but I just didn’t want to face it.

I open my eyes.

Slowly.

It’s been nine months.

Or maybe nine minutes.

It was hard to tell

because it felt like both

but neither

at the same time.

Memories flood in,

memories I didn’t know existed.

Too many memories for just nine minutes.

I look around.

The hallways are dull, lit only by the sun peering through the windows. Bare walls surround me, waiting to be piled with new artwork from new students.

New announcements.

A new year.

I was right about it being quiet.

In fact, it was silent.

Dead silent.

There’s nobody here.

The hallway is still. 

Too still.

No voices, no footsteps, no slamming lockers.

Just nothing.

I knew it was the end of the day,

I was heading to my last class.

But the end of the year?

Where would I have ended up if I kept going?

Another empty classroom?

Or maybe it would’ve been full

and the year would’ve started over

without me realizing.

I step into a room nearby, one that I swear was bustling with activity just a second ago. 

Or was it nine months ago?

There were no more backpacks, no more sports bags, not even a stray water bottle or pair of forgotten sweatpants. 

Just an empty room 

and me.

Me wondering why I’m still here

but not really wanting to leave.

I sit in silence as the unsettling truth hits me that freshman year is over.

But didn’t it just start?

Syllabi turned into crumpled homework sheets,

excitement faded into exhaustion,

anticipation for the school year became impatience for summer.

Everyone got out of there as fast as they could.

I didn’t even notice 

because my eyes were closed 

and I was still stuck in September.

Still overthinking first impressions.

Still second-guessing the first assignments.

Still stuck on my first day of high school, trying to figure out if I’m doing things “right”.

Everyone else seemed ready

even if I knew they weren’t.

Everyone was already gone, already preparing for sophomore year

while I’m still trying to be a freshman.

It just goes to show,

time flies.

Not always when you’re having fun,

but when you want it to slow down.

When you want to live every moment,

even the hard ones,

because you’re not ready for what’s next.

Time flies

when you least expect it.

When you don’t want it to.

When you’re a freshman, trying to hold onto every second of nine months.

Time flies

not because you’re laughing,

but because you’re afraid.

Afraid to leave the past.

Afraid to face the future.

Afraid to grow up.

“See? You’ve come so far…”