Treadmill

Sometimes I feel like I am running on a treadmill towards a big shiny sign that says “Relaxation.” Surronding the big shiny words are lots of other words. “Binge a show” “Read a book in one sitting” “Take a shower so long Poseidon will come knocking to beg for his ocean back” 

But this is a treadmill and it’s going fast, so I can never quite reach my big shiny sign. 

I think, After my finals, the treadmill will slow down and I’ll be able to reach the sign. But then I remember I have my boarding school application due. The treadmill speeds up. Getting faster and faster until my deadline. I am running like Noah Lyles. Once that’s finally in, after months of work on my essays, I am slowing down. Until remember I have a very important orchestra audition coming up. Now I am running like cheetah. Scales over and over. My excerpt again and again. My audition is tomorrow. I am running like a car at a Formula One race. The treadmill is smoking a little.

 I seem to have momentarily convinced myself that the treadmill is going to slow down after this, and I will reach the sign tomorrow. I feel like that’s impossible, but I would like to hope I am correct. It’s my fault. I hopped on this treadmill. I pushed the button to make it run faster. Unfortunately, my treadmill has a strange delay between me pushing the button and it speeding ahead. 

One day, I will reach the sign. I will hold it close for a little while, but I will eventually get back on the treadmill. If I spent my whole life still, relaxing, I would feel purposeless. I need a direction. I will try to remember not to push the button so many times, to slow down a little, but at the end of the day, I like running.