Wanting

I want to love.

Do you know that?

Do you all know that?

I want to love.

I want to scream it to the universe.

I want to live

I want to laugh

I want to cry I want to fight I want to be happy and angry

I want to live and I want to love,

I want to love!

So why can't I?

Why 

Do I shut down

Shut out

Why

Can't I let you in

For the life of me

Even if I want to because

I overthink it

I panic 

I withdraw

And I want to be fearless and brave because I know, I know I should be

And I know, I know you want me

But until I see why

And stop seeing all the ways you could be doing better

Until I am able to be that girl

To be that girl for you

I can't.

I cannot.

It hurts so bad.

I want to love.

I want to love.

Why is it so hard?