In what world would I ever know my Grandmother

How can it be that I cannot exist without and with her

Sometimes I like to imagine we have the same eyes, brown with glints of green and yellow, like a sprouting garden in spring.

No one remembers, so I am allowed to keep imagining. 

Sometimes I find myself in visions where I see her waiting for me, perched on the lily pond in my grandfather’s garden. 

Where I may learn her favorite color, or get to know her voice. What if I heard myself in her, or saw color the same way? 

I am a part of her 

and so I cannot exist without her

But what hurts most is that this vision is impossible, even if she had not fallen. 

My father left a nest empty of her, followed his fledgling siblings away from withered flowers. In a world with her, could he have found my mother and planted a new garden? 

That I was born into 

and so I cannot exist with her

We could have never known each other on this earth. Where we can only meet is in some far beyond I glimpse in dreams. 

I only hope it's full of flowers and broken fountains, birdsong and blue sky. 

Where we finally exist together