why we do the things we do

there's just so much I want to say, to pour out from me into you

but where to begin?

it begins home, at home, my head, the house, the lawn

the yard where I begin to understand how to be a human being

bite your tongue and swallow 

count to ten, divisible by 2 on a good day and 5 on a bad day

9 chews too loud

8 rubs on each finger, 8 thumb to thumb and then every other finger. always an even number

I don't want to 

I shouldn't need to 

I don't have to

I really shouldn't.

Numbers upon numbers upon numbers that insist

upon eachother. Adding up quickly and carrying mental