Apr 16
Maisie N's picture

Hephaestion

Every feather that now lies on the ground
Fell from your angel skin
And I miss having you around
But your heart is now cold and hardened
Wrapped amid a snowy shroud
I stretched you far too thin
I wonder where you are now
As the pieces of you drift listlessly on the wind.

You told me that it hurt very much
The day that you fell from heaven
Banished by the ones you loved
I didn't dare ask what you did
You said that I was a glimpse of above
Of the home that you so missed
You were so sad and beautiful
I didn't dare ask what you meant.

I want to hold your hand when we're eighty
And tell people that we made it
But angels tend away from aging
While there are already lines on my skin
There may be tatters in your wings
But your heart is still so young
With the wisdom of a thousand years
And the look of a life just begun. 

All I could give you was my word
But first I had to untangle my tongue
I worried that you would mistake my stutter
For weakness in my heart and lungs
What you don't know is that I can spit daggers
Which is exactly what I am afraid of
For if I say anything imprecise or improper
I stand to lose so much.

You likened me to Alexander
For all the battles I had won
And I never saw myself as a leader
Until you made yourself my Hephaestion
Happy then, to die my lover
Cut so famously from stone
And of all the generals in Macedon
You were my favorite one.

I wish I could keep the past in the past
Make you my pluperfect love
For of all my "had beens" and regrets
You are the hardest one
You lessen the joy I find in conquest
Some days I fear I will not go on
For we had the stars, you and I
And that is only given once.

We could have conquered the world together
But I think we both let each other down
I didn't mean to raise my voice
I just wanted to understand how
A young man with enormous wings
Looked into my heart and found
Something worth comprehending
That he seems to have lost now.

Now only the feathers floating on the water
Indicate anything out of the ordinary
The ripples that I choose to ignore
So I say it was no more than accidental drowning
The pity on their faces, I have seen before
Now accompanied by something new and upsetting
"Drowned" they say, it shakes me to my core
They don't know that you only swam away.

Now I may walk with my head down
The leader of a defeated army
I cannot say that I wish you had drowned
Though at times I can't help but feel that way
I admit I miss having you around
But I didn't care for who you became
So I sleep alone on a bed of your feathers and clouds
Reveling only in your memory.