Sep 01

Redux

Not much was different, if you thought about it. 
Not much besides me being a year older. Besides him being back at school. Besides them breaking up. 

Everything else was the same. Same little kids walking past with their parents, same questions bout what kind of instrument I was hauling around. Same soccer shorts and t-shirt and black Converse combo, a power trio for me. Same bus ride. 

The first day of tenth grade was fine. Good, even. For two hours. Then things got weird. Some rumor, that's new. I didn't ask for that. I'll get over it. 

My music is calming me. Reminding me of summer days that tore my heart apart, but in the good way that makes you feel alive. I'm forgetting today. 

I'm practically running now. I'm the first one there, as usual. There's only four of us now, which makes me sad, I think. I'm not so sure, once they get here. We're laughing like we never stopped. In our own little world. Girl, boy, girl, boy. That's how it goes now. We are delicate with each other for now, quiet and careful, our smiles those of children growing into their bodies and minds. I'm imagining how it will go this year. 

This isn't truly a first. More like a redux. I'm missing the past, but loving the future. 

The only thing I'm worrying about it forgetting, but yet it's all I want to do. Let me forget my feelings, sit myself farther away, let me start from scratch. Let me remember my feelings, seeing that smile, let us continue. 

Let me live in every moment. I'll decide later.