Oct 26
Monster_T_02's picture

The Damned

I do not see you.
I refuse to acknowledge your existence.
the way your hands gripped my sides, suffocating me.

I do not feel you. 
I do not hope for a day when you will return.
I hope you will never see me again.

I do not hear you.
I do not remember the last words you said.
Before you changed the course if my entire life.

I do not carry you smell.
In the jacket that was burned in a pile behind my house,
Or in the way the air seems to carry memories to me.

I do not taste you,
the way kisses used to make me feel safe,
the way they used to bring me joy, now only cold envy.

I do not know who you are, 
I no longer pretend to care.
I will not acknowledge your existence,
The way you opened my life up to ridicule.
I do not pretend You ever cared.
I do not think about the way your eyes,
Pleaded with me to understand.

I forget the touch of your hand,
I forget the way the sun looked when it rose.
I forget what happiness feels like.
I forget what it feels like to be myself.
I forget I actually liked things.
I forget what it is I’m suppose to like.

I forgot you because I have to.
I forgot the look of your face,
I forgot the feel of your hands,
I forgot the cologne that I loved once,
I forgot calling you ‘my boys’,
I forgot who I am.
Because in order to survive,
I had to become someone new.

I forgot the face you gave me that night.
The night you ripped my choice away from me.
The day you sacrificed me to the wolves.
You didn’t want me anymore,
You let me die,
The awful thing is, I’m still breathing.
I’m still caught fighting for my life everyday.
I’m still screaming out for someone to save me
Every,
Single,
Day.

I’m screaming out for you to save me.
You stopped caring,
And instead of letting me go,
You destroyed me.
You let them infect me with a poison,
A poison that will forever be in my bloodstream,
Yet pleading with me to understand,
Until the moment I saw your face change,
when you went from protector to hunter.
The malice of your voice,
And I knew I was a lamb looking into the eyes of a wolf,
Wishing it would be over already.


You,
The person who was suppose to love me more than anything else,
 And keep me safe, be committed to me,
Me only.
You let the wolves go.
The wolves that I had kept at bay so long.
With one simple sentence,
Because you gave up on me.
You gave up on us, without telling me.
You became a wolf, when I thought you were my Shepard.
One sentence, 
‘I don’t care what you do to her’

Not forgetting is driving me insane,
Watching your humanity leave your eyes,
will terrorize my every waking moment.
And kill me a million times as I sleep.
Monsters with your eye color will forever destroy me.
I don’t know if my heart will ever open up again.
I cannot foresee my trust ever growing,
Or my love ever flowing again.
My savior became the one who damned me,
Such and awful turn of irony.