Jan 02

Man In A Sleeping Bag

    On a random day in a random town lay a random man in a random alley. Two random pigeons—named Bird and Drib—found this random man in a blue sleeping bag. Unfortunately these random pigeons had no idea what a sleeping bag was nor did they realise that a man was the same being as a sleeping man.
    “What is this?” cooed Bird to Drib, stroking the thing on the ground,
    “I’m not entirely sure!” replied Drib to Bird, who stood petting the opposite side,
    “Is it blue?” questioned Bird, cocking his head,
    “It is blue!” declared Drib, who looked excitedly at Bird as if he’d discovered something spectacular.
The two stared for precisely seven minutes and forty-three seconds at the thing on the ground, patting it in different places. At some point, Drib poked the thing in what must’ve been a sensitive place as the thing groaned in obvious discomfort. Bird looked up at Drib, horrified,
    “What on Earth did you do?”
    “I simply jabbed the thing right here!” exclaimed Drib while gesturing sharply at the dent he made in the thing,
    “Well, I suppose it’s a sensitive place…” pondered Bird, reconsidering whether or not he should chastise Drib.
Drib began to giggle, Bird glanced at him,
    “What on Earth are you laughing about?”
    “Must I tell you?” chortled Drib,
    “Just tell me.” Bird sighed,
    “Suppose I’ve hit ‘im in the knockers!”
    “Good heavens Drib! Why must you be so immature?” Bird reconsidered reconsidering whether or not he should chastise Drib.

    Suddenly the man shifted in his slumber, resulting in a deafening crinkle of the sleeping bag. Bird cried out,
    “My god, is it moving?”
    “It is moving!” exclaimed Drib.
    “So it’s alive?”
    “It is alive!” Drib cried out fervently. The man finished his shifting and stilled. Bird shot panicked glances at Drib,
    “Look what you’ve done!”
    “What have I done?” questioned Drib, confused,
    “You’ve hollered so loudly you made the thing die of shock!” hollered Bird in frustration.Dirb began to panic as well, flapping his wings passionately,
    “Oh!” he cried out, patting the sensitive spot with fervor, “Oh, what have I done?” The two—Bird and Drib—cooed incessantly at each other, taking turns slapping the poor man in the sensitive place to try and revive him, neither noticing his stirrings.
    “Fucking! Pigeons!” The man shouted, slapping away their wings and beaks as he sat up. The two pigeons paused. The man had awakened. The two stepped back,
    “So it’s a man?” questioned Bird,
    “Sot it is a man!” exclaimed Drib. The man stood and kicked Drib with frightening accuracy in his own sensitive place.
    “Good lord you’ve killed him!” Bird cried out, flapping away; not checking to see whether or not his comrade had survived the blow.

    On the same random day in another random town lay another random man in another random alley. Two different random pigeons, named He and Him found another random man in another blue sleeping bag.
    “What is this?” questioned He to Him,
    “Just a man in a sleeping bag.” replied Him placidly,
    “Alright then, if that’s what it is…” sighed He, hoping his mind wouldn’t combust from the tension of his migraine. The two ventured onward to find something more interesting to waste their time with.

About the Author: Michmich