Childhood obsession

A childhood obsession, sure.

That's how it started.

But it's all I am -

It's who I am -

It's the deepest

Truest

Version of myself I could possibly be.

The notebook.

Stats and tracking

Sketches and notes and oh-so-precise nothings

That are everything.

I am bored so I map.

I map and I track

And I think and I plan

So absorbed in this world

Not reality

This world

My home

I fixate on this when the real world's too real

Because I have a team here

I am in control here

I am being productive here

Even if

To you

It's a childish fantasy world

I should have long outgrown

It's not

It's me

It's what keeps me me

What keeps me sane

All the data, all the charts

The not-so-fictional world I love

I have trained myself

Year after year

Phase after phase

So I can come up with any information

All the information

All the tidbits and facts and tiny little details and measurements

I have stacked in my brain

I am the best

The best at this world you can't see

The best at this world I've always believed

I am the best
At my childhood obsession

Because it's real to me, okay?

It's real.

And I will never be too old for it.