Spiral of goodbyes

sparkling droplets of fear and emptiness crossed faces as last glances were exchanged from loved ones. Who once stood as a whole, now divided. Screams echoed around the plaintive globe as love drifted from broken families. 

 His innocent hand tightened around my sweat and fear.  stopping the blood that flowed inside me. I don’t think he fully understood this dreadful nightmare of a day that was upon us; but You could still see the aching pain rush through his eyes as he understood the emotion. His pupils frosted as his eyes traced the world that was torn from the fingertips of  families; who did not expect to be broken that day. 

The wheel spun like the mind of a kid playing in a colored field. It spun with a creaky rusty sound that reminded me of a roller coaster trudging up the hill right before the screams aligned. The last paper drifted down into the delicate, touched glass bowl that sparkled at the hint of light. Making a sense of hope on this hopeless day that we wish to leave. The crowd was implanted in the ground like windmills on day's the trees' breath was scarce. Consumed in a perturbed silence. The king's feet steadied with that stranger-like smile on the platform; as the bowl was lifted. The shimmer that I once saw was gone like a child in a lightless world. A dark cloud took a knife to the sky. Stabbing away at the natural glow that once blessed up, until all chances of sparkle disappeared. The king's hand dipped deep into the bowl. As his wrist rested on the rim. My eyes burned a deepened hole in his arm as the veins showed through the skin. My hands tensed in a slight motion as a defining chill hurried down my spine. 

His fist unwrapped revealing a small square paper with a wrinkled wave in the corner. His voice echoed in my head as he announced the name. “Eli!” he said in a proud twisted manner.  A river of tears lapped my soul. All the sparkles of salt watched my mind close off the doors inside. I squeezed my tension around Eli’s confused innocent heart. From the cornor of my glazed damp

eye, I can see mom grounded with a flat expression on her face. Her son was going to disappear into the ground that haunted the growth of the plants. She did not give a shit. I turned to her and screamed “What the fuck is wrong with you! Your son is about to die and you're just standing there like you want him to leave.” She looked down at her feet as her cheeks turned the color of a strawberry in the garden of fairy tales. “He can convince them he should live.” She said. My fury was steaming like a tea kettle on the fiery stove; In the middle of a heavy spiraling winter storm. “He can’t talk!” I screamed. She did not look up or reply. She just kept looking down at her chewed up boots. 50 people out of the 100 are chosen to survive and they have no reason to keep him alive. I turned to see Eli being pried from my weak arms that were used for hugging. As they grasped the advantage I pulled back with the might and motivation that could power a train. The year before, I had to say goodbye to my father and girlfriend. The tears that day came out as photos from the lost past. If they wanted to bury a little boy they would have to stare me in my tears of glass and sharpen the knife. 

The rope of control slips through my fingers as I stumble away from the gates of freedom. Towards the guards tearing our family apart. A shot rang through the woods chilling breath. Pelting down on the village whose feelings no one can control. 

My lungs were running away from that air that I once craved. My eyes saw sounds that my ears could only imagine. My brain only heard the screams of the walking dead twitching inside nature's floor. My life was in the hands of autopilot. As I picked up the little boy that once frolucked in the mysteriusly perfect grass. Dancing with the sun through the flowers. As the ridgid mountains held the moon away. The luscious fluffy tree tops blew with his tiny brown hairs. Talking away like he did not expect more from the world. He ran like the air he had left was unlimited. Until the sight that locked away his laughter and joy forever poured down on him. The incident that glued his mouth for all eternity. 

We ran from the world where my past died with those buried under the watch of the moon. Bullets were fired into the pillows of water that float in the sky. I ran in the line of a zipper. Avoiding the lack of choices they tried to give me.  Looking back every second to see how much farther our legs had to ride with a passion. My eyes locked with my mom's salty glazed pupils. I could tell her mind cared but her body didn’t want to. 

We halted at the cemetery. Out of sight from the crowd. I rested my knee down at her grave. I tugged at a tendril of my long brown glossy hair. I laid it down to rest on what was left to represent her. “I promised you a piece of me that would never leave, '' I said through my cries. I glided my hand over her stone as a tear shimmered off the rock. In that small tear laid a rainbow of the past. The rainbow I will never forget. Footsteps crossed with the sounds of the birds. Causing an unsettling effect. “I'm sorry” I whispered to the air she used to breathe. My hand gripped Eli’s as we ran away from all the pain this town caused us. Leaving a trail of sorrow and watered down salt. We ran for hours dodging the trees. In and out of the protection from the sun. The footsteps from behind me stopped. I turned to see Eli sprawled on the forest floor. “Eli?” I said as my legs back tracked towards his frozen body. Frightened I would see the tears in my eyes as his breaths stopped with his blinks. Scared he would die from my savior-ship. My breaths calmed with joy as I saw his stomach levitate and fall from his chest. I settled down next to him in the frozen water that covered the ground. His shiny clean green eyes stared at me as he shook with vibration. I glided my arms around his shoulders. “I know you're cold but we will find a place to stay and I promise I will not let you go.” I said as I grabbed his hand and led him towards the height of the trees. We trudged across the timid snow. Our limbs hung from our sides. The same limbs that once sprung into the mountain's height are now screaming to stay as a statue. Our eyes felt like they were tied to a sinking boat. To be honest I did not know what was going to happen. My heart gave back the hope that I started with. My body recycled the lost desire into music. What happens after the song dies away like my hope for this world? Would I disappear from the world that I’m already sealed from?

Soon our eyes sparkled with joy as they set on that cabin. Eli's face lit up for the first time since the incident as he ran towards that little house. His energy radiated off of him onto me. It was like nothing happened and he was just full of undying life. It was like he could talk again. Next thing I know My arms wrapped around him, squeezing him tight in the sunlight that carried us here. We hugged until we collapsed into the sky’s powdered gift. I felt like I was soaring across the open area above. It's not that I was celebrating because we found a place to stay. I was happy because the joy on Eli’s face was a rare kind of happiness. The type of excitement that you get when you have a best friend that you trust and smile with. An unexplained feeling that only few get to experience. The air filled with clearness for the first time in a while. For once, I felt like the sun aligned with the ghost inside of me. Wiping away the puddles my eyes shoved down. My ears overfilled with the joy of his laughter. Making good out of these horridly unexpected circumstances. 

There was a house right in front of us and we were out here standing on the concealed ground. I sprung up from the icy powder and ran faster but this time I didn't feel tired or hopeless. My knock on the door was in tune to my favorite song. The song that my father used to sing to me at night in the comfort of the moon. Now he lies in the deep ground singing to the moon.

 I waited for a few minutes with Eli attached to my side embracing the warmth my body shared.  No one turned the shiny handle. The house looked abandoned except for a small light in the corner of a small shadowed window. 

I twisted the wooden door’s handle hesitantly. I knew something about this was wrong but we were already running from the law. My soul steps into the warmth before me. As soon as my eyes landed on the sparks that danced and intertwined. With no real pattern or directions. I felt as if I was in the hands of a magical garden. I felt my mind clearing for the first time in a while. Like this was a place I could tell all my troubles to. Eli sprung off into the open space that for once was enclosed. He rested his tired body. Acting like he was weak when really he was the strongest person in my life right now. His eyes glided down as his eyelashes hit the delicate skin. 

My stomach took over the sound of the crackling fire. Spider webs laced the pantry. Empty cans thrown upon the murky floor.

Even though I felt like my mind was clear’ I still could not take it anymore. Out of nowhere my breaths became shallow as the oxygen was being drained from my body. The sea dripped from my winter sight. My life was being taken from me by the death of others. The world sped up as my blood raced the planet that we lay on. My mind is yelling at me telling me I'm not good enough. The voices of the insults rush back. The bottle inside me bubbled over.  It was more than just starvation, it was everything. I am the reason we are lost. I am the reason for the accident. The more I thought the more tears flowed from the wall in my bottom eyelid. I keep all my secrets in the tears that live inside. Sometimes it's too much and they have to flow back up to my eye. I sat in that corner as time ticked on. 

 A thick shade crossed me. My head swivels with an aching crack to see a man who probably met the dinosaurs. His beard suffocated the smile he never had. A knife gripped in his thick hand. He just stood in front of me with a face of frowns plastered across his chin. He stood his ground that I was intruding one. I felt a sudden urge to explain everything that has happened. Even the beginning of my life. Just to beable to share my past so im not the only one carrying it. It did not matter if I wanted to because my mouth was strong willed. It was like my feet to the ground. Like glue to paper. 

“Who are you?!” He demanded as he raised his knife up towards his ear. Aiming it at my scars that never showed on the outside. I did not move or talk. My tears created a numb feeling that washed over me. No smile or frown sat among my face anymore. Fear did not exist in my heart during this time. Nor did life. I was like a robot drowning in a void that never ended. I had no feelings about the past anymore. It was just the past. “ANSWER ME DAMMIT.” He shouted. “Cerria” I said with no passion in my voice. Eli ran into the room with salt that shimmered off his eyelashes. He stared at the old man who gripped the knife. Eli moved his feet at a fast splintering pace towards me. His legs collapsed as his chest landed in my lap. His hands trembled at the sight of this man. The juice of his eyes glided across my shirt. I could not bear to see his tears anymore. “Put the knife down, I will explain everything to you” I said. He lowered the knife as it brushed against his thigh. I needed to sum it all up in one sentence. Was there a sentence that describes what we went through that day? “We ran away from the captivity of the monsters of our society. Sir, I'm sorry that we invaded your space. We just had nowhere to go.” I said. He dropped the knife on the floor suddenly. He expanded his fingertips towards the shivering boy in my lap. Eli’s eyes found comfort within this man. Even after he held up a knife at us. He looked at this man like he had known him for 1000 years. Eli slowly glided his feet on the smooth tile floor that looked to be a comfort in these times. The same tiles I use to slide down at home.

 Could I really call it home now? I did not plan on going back there and if I did my body would be one no one remembers. Is home a place where your loved ones are or is it just a place to live?  Eli grasped at his fingertips. The man pulled Eli towards his chest. Squeezing away at all the loneliness he must have felt in this world. His eyes were an evening sky shade of blue that I felt I looked at everyday. 

That night he laid out beds for us on that tile floor. The head sunk right through the pillow as my body pressed against the cloth sheets. My eyelashes were a sky for underneath my eye.  My body let go of the hopelessness that made me want to go back to that village. For every good feeling, bad feelings have to come with it. My mind is filled with possibilities like what if this guy turns us in. what if he puts us back in the snow. What are the possibilities that a stranger just lets you into his house? What does he want from us? My mind raced through the possibilities like a car on a highway before it crashed. My skin turned as if it was a wheel on the open road. Every Few minutes my eyelashes left my skin as my eyes were revealed. My thoughts walked all over me. Looking for an answer that I did not know the question to.  The world had a timeless sensation. Like the world stopped and it did not plan to start again. Time has never felt like it just disappeared, until that moon flew in the sky. I laid watching the ceiling well my heart and mind argued. My joy burst from my smile as the illuminnose light shone across the silenced room. Taking all the shadows and pain from the room into the cries of the past. 

Footsteps grew louder as the seconds passed. The tall shadow entered the room of light and joy. “Good Morning” he said as his body escaped the hall of night. “Good Morning” I replied. His feet moved like a dance all around the morning light. Burning away all hunger in our hearts. 

    Weeks passed, We still danced every morning with the sun’s rays. I never felt this much love after my father died. We played in the snow everyday. Apparently since we left they thought it not fair to kill the others. Food became scarce. More people were born with the horrible gift of life. I hope one day they will dance in the fields and sing with the sun. Hopefully they won't die like their spirits will.  

Everyday I took a long walk in the crunchy snow to her grave. Everytime I would see the disturbed bodies dispersed throughout the ground. Bite marks stain their purple decaying skin. I pushed through the site of sadness. Tears from the dead echoed in my head. The sun was always singing on her grave. Everyday I would lay my head on her warm stone and talk to her about the world's problems and the old man. Somehow I knew that she heard me. I heard a little voice in my head reacting to my words. I just know it's her. 

 One day, when the sun's song went still and the moon and clouds joined forces. My eyes hung open as I swung my body behind a tree that sat in the heartless ice crystals of snow. He tugs on her arm as he pulls her lifeless body out of the ground. Her head laid in the winter cold along with her deceased purple body. My air was slowly deteriorating but I could not make a sound. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. He raised his ax as it cut down harshly on her ice touched skull. Smashed in from the back. As he splits the rotting head open. He reaches his cold brittle hands into the back of her head. He grasped the brain in his fingers. Pulling out the brain like how he pulled her from the ground. He grasps his hand around the frozen brain with no regrets, with no consequences. He just walks away with a new meal to satisfy his craving. 

After he left I dove towards her bitten body. My eyes frozen open not knowing how to feel. Not knowing what I just saw. The voice in my head screamed louder than anything I ever heard. “ Please Don’t let this be real!” My mind screamed to the little bit of hope that laid drowned in my heart. I was too late to save my. My world seemed like it just died with my emrald eyes. My eye’s were flushed by salt thst flowed like a river on a stormy day. I hate running from the town I used to run with. If I just stayed she would never be like this. If I just stayed I would also lose more than just a brother. Next to her cold lifeless body sat my hair that I gave to her the first day this all started. My fingers reached for the tendril placing it in her open palm. Wrapping her fingers around that hair. The tips of my fingers left her souless skin for the last time. I slumped through the forest where the whispering trees talked. Where ominous sounds are found.  The Videos of memories replayed in my mind as  my legs carried me through the trees that awaited the return of life. 

These are the only memories I will ever have with her. I felt sad but also a comforting sense of closer glids across my feelings.

A manic scream bounced from the walls of the unfamiliar place we stayed. My blood chilled inside me. My legs ran scraping against the trees as my mind was replaced with the worst possibilities. My heart pounded against the barrier holding in my life. I wish I never opened that door. I fell to the ground next to Eli. blood rushed off his cold body. I cradled his silenced head in my lap. “Eli stay for me” I cried  “I….Can’t. Thank… you…for… the…chance… of… life.” he said through his last short brittle as his eyes rested for the final night. The last time I would ever see his gem-like eyes staring back at me. He talked for the first time since the accident but he was bit by the pain that emptied onto me the same day. My heart went numb. What was the point anymore? The one person who I felt important to is now gone forever. My mind flooded with all the memories we shared. All the love and trust we gained around each other. 

Then I realized where I have seen that shade of blue in his eyes before. I looked towards where the man once stood with a bowl of skin and blood. He now disappeared and it was my fault for letting him get away. All of this was my fault. Running away, disobeying the rules. Leaving Eli alone. Letting everyone die. Lying to Eli after I said nothing was going to happen to him.

I took the sharpened stick out from Eli as I laid in the pool of his blood. I raised the stick over my chest taking my last breaths and looked at this world that I used to think of as peaceful. Now I look at this corrupt civilization and wonder what is the point of relationships if you will just lose them. My love for the earth shattered like a mirror crying in the corner. The reflection of what I wanted fell into a pond of the lost.

 

Anna_banana

VT

17 years old

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