humor | Young Writers Project

May 28

rant/rave, humor 0 comments challenge: Sandwich

seriously.sharp

Sandwich Milestone

It's interesting, really, that a sandwich sounds appetizing to you, because you've never—never, in all of your 15 years—liked sandwiches before. Sure, cheeseburgers and grilled cheese have always been hits, but... Deli meat with lettuce and cheese between two pieces of bread? Wow. And sauce? Since when have you tolerated sauce? When you were younger (maybe even a week ago), you picked apart your sandwiches and ate each layer one by one. First the meat, then the lettuce, then the tomatoes, saving the cheese (if it was good cheese) for last... and maybe you'd eat a slice of the bread. If it was nice bread, and it wasn't covered in sauce.
Somehow, out of the blue, you've decided that you like sandwiches. Whole. Eaten together, even if you did scrape the sauce off.
It's like you're a new person, inducted into the world of Normal People. Normal People who eat their sandwiches the way they're supposed to be eaten.

Posted: 05.28.19

May 23

humor 2 comments challenge: Write a Prompt!

Lighting

Robot

If you were a comic book character who would you be and why?

Posted: 05.23.19

Apr 26

non-fiction, rant/rave, humor 0 comments challenge: Epistolary

lana.W

Letters From a Junior in April

April 25, 2019
*ahem* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?

April 26, 2019
Dear Diary, Allow me to clarify from yesterday. Why, dear God, did you allow school to be this terrible?! With AP exams, SATs, chorus concerts, track meets, various club/society meetings, finals, science NECAPs, marching practice, mini school concerts, AND prom on everyone's mind, how can we be expect us to focus things like... friends. Or, healthy eating and sleeping. Or like grades. Wow, who'da thunk that even with our terrible class, we're all almost seniors. We need to step up our game, I'm the who do pretty much everything
.
April 27, 2019
Dear Diary,
We now continue with our regularly scheduled program: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJ

Posted: 04.26.19

Mar 27

humor 0 comments

mtambala

The Dye That made my hair die

It was that day, the day my life had went horribly wrong. That day, I had just came back from a chinese pawn shop, with some pink hair dye for myself. As soon as I got home, I hopped in the bathroom and put on the dye. The bottle stated, read the instructions really carefully, but I thought that reading them was a waste of time and not important. Later that day, after I had put on the pink hair dye, I noticed bits of my hair were falling off, not really caring that much, I continued watching tv, but as the hours pass, more and more kept falling off. There I decided I was gonna go to the bathroom mirror to see what was going on, as I walk into the bathroom, I look in the mirror, and notice i'm bald. Wondering what had happened to my hair I think back to when I put on the hair dye, I go grab the hair dye bottle and peal off the label, there was a second label that said hair removal cream.

Posted: 03.27.19

Mar 19

humor 0 comments challenge: Dye

kanyj

The Big Yellow Bottle

I have been wanting to dye my hair for a while, but I was worried about what other people would think of me. Eventually, I got up the nerve to dye my hair, so I went to the store and bought the big yellow bottle that obnoxiously said DYE on it in big blue letters. As soon as I bought it, I went home and dyed my hair with the dye I bought before I had any second thoughts. But as soon as I rinsed out the excess dye, I knew something was wrong. Seriously wrong. My hair was dry, much more than it is supposed to be and it is drying out more and more. I grabbed the bottle and voraciously read the fine print. Turns out it wasn’t hair dye, but DYE standing for Dissolving Yellow Elixer, which is a strange company who makes a patented acid that is safe on skin. I learned the hard way that it is not safe for hair, for my hair is so dry it just physically disappearing from the earth. I am so bald now that I couldn’t have done a better job if I went to a barber to get my head shaved. Whoops.

Posted: 03.19.19

Feb 25

humor 1 comment challenge: Alone

Kyle A Emerson

I Think We're Alone Now

The door closes

The teenager is gone

The truck disappears into a cloud of dust

“Hooray!” Screams the chairs

“Party!” Exclaims the teddy bear

“I’ll play the tunes!” Says the record player

Tiffany’s voice echoes through the house

“I think we’re alone now! There doesn’t seem to be anyone around”

The lamps flicker in excitement

The pictures come to life

The toys throw the living hats around the house

The living hats cheered in glee

Blankets and chairs make forts

Mr. Fridge falls over, again

Everyone is having fun

Then there’s a teenager at the door, shocked

Everyone stops and stares

The record scratches

Teddy bear approaches

There’s silence

“Wanna party with us?”

“Sure”

Posted: 02.25.19

Feb 20

humor 0 comments challenge: Rule

EmmettJ

The Constitution of the People,the Universe, and Everything

Article 57

Posted: 02.20.19

Feb 08

poem, fiction, humor 1 comment challenge: Decide

lana.W

Which Pet?

Which pet will best suit my needs?
I see puppers and doggos galore,
but what I want is so, so much more.
Dogs are great, and not much exceeds.
The pet store closes in five.

I need a pet who’ll fascinate,
who’ll make my guests say, “WOW!”
I need to make my decision now.
There’s no time left to waste.
The pet store closes in four.

I looked at every bunny,
I also looked at birds.
Across the street, I see llama herds,
When mom says, “It’s time to go, honey.”
The pet store closes in three.

Maybe an iguana? Nah,
Iguana’s don’t seem right.
Oh woah, is that lizard white?
How ‘bout a fluffy cat, to feel bourgeois?
The pet store closes in two.

My time is running out,
I need an animal quick!
I don't know which one I'm going to pick,
Should I choose beak or snout?
The pet store closes in one.

Posted: 02.08.19

Feb 05

humor 0 comments

PandaStoriez

The Pen Song As Fruit

I have a apple
I have a pen
apple pen

I have a orange
I have a pen
Orange pen

I have a lemon
I have a pen
Lemon pen

I have a kiwi
I have a pen
Kiwi pen

I have a berry
I have a pen
Berry pen

I have a grape
I have a pen
Grape pen

Posted: 02.05.19

Feb 01

fiction, humor 3 comments challenge: Luck

spiderwebs

Luckily Unlucky or Unluckily Lucky? (That’s What Friends Are For)

Luck is a gift; a gift that Patrick does not possess. He had hope at one point, but now he’s fully convinced that he’s somehow cursed. Maybe it’s part of being a teenager, but he’s still not too sure. Everyone has some misfortunes at times, yes, but not typically a tragedy a day. While the tragedies aren’t absolutely horrible, they are enough to send Patrick into some form of an existential crisis, asking himself what he could’ve possibly done to receive such horrible luck.

Now, Patrick does have good days, but they aren’t very common. It’s more likely that he’ll somehow drop an amp on the toes of his sneakers while trying to lug the band equipment back into the van after a show than it would be to find a stray ten-dollar bill in one of his pockets. It’s always the little things that count, he likes to tell himself. It’s a comforting statement at this point for him.

Posted: 02.01.19

Feb 01

humor 0 comments

marcheso

Future and past

Past self,

I have made a grave mistake. The world was falling apart, crime and poverty was an everyday occurrence. I was supposed to be the one that made the rule that would save humanity and I messed up really badly. I made up the rule that everyone rich could get more money.At the time it felt like a good idea because I was about to buy four golf courses and the Galapagos Island but looking back out of my many smart decision making that wasn’t in my top 30. Greedily, the poor who were committing the crimes because they needed the money were outraged and rebelled against the government. They had numbers so now the whole world is chaos and even though usually I am very smart I don’t know what to do. Anyway, I was writing to you because you can’t make the same mistake as I did even though it was really not that bad.
From, Donald Trump.

Posted: 02.01.19

Feb 01

humor 0 comments challenge: Luck

laurenwwright

Unlucky

The alarm strikes obnoxiously at 4:45 a.m.
I slam the top of it and it falls to the ground.
I open my eyes to the sun shining through them.
Clock reads; 8:56. AWESOME. Late.
I sprint to the shower, now deprived of hot water.
Now fully awake and covered in frostbite, I grab my
stuff, get dressed, and drive to school.

The space between the gas needle and E
could not be a more accurate depiction of my
patience left after this hour into the day.
I arrive at school at 10:23, greeted with a nice yellow
paper reserving my time for 45 minutes after school.
"Test tomorrow!" my math teacher projects as I open the door,
and the bell rings and my whole class floods out.

I get to lunch, and realize I forgot my lunch box on the
counter. So I sit there, starved, uneducated, and a mess.

Posted: 02.01.19

Jan 23

humor 0 comments challenge: Persuasion

CKSBP

Please, No Homework!

Kid: Hello!
Teacher: Hello Jeff.
Kid: Do you think we could not have homework on Wednesdays?
Teacher: Why wouldn't I give your class homework, you're the most annoying class I have.
Kid: Yes, but we could clean your room for you.
Teacher: Yes, but I cleaned it yesterday.
Kid: It would be less work for you to do.
Teacher: I already have a lot of work to do for my other classes, what's another couple of terrible essays to grade?
Kid: What if we made a deal?
Teacher: I'm listening.
Kid: What if every Wednesday you don't give us homework, on the condition that we clean AND organize your room every Thursday during free period?
Teacher: That sounds Great!
Kid: Really!?
Teacher: Ha, no I want a five page essay by the end of the week about the Civil War.
Kid: Hahaha, you're just being sarcastic again right?
Teacher: No.

Posted: 01.23.19

Jan 19

humor 0 comments challenge: Rant

activist_fieldhockey

When times get tough

I stand
watching as the wind wissels and whips past my window frame.
The bugs are out today,
I can tell by thier Buazzing and Buauauzing.
I think slowly about the day that has passed.
the troubles, the woubles,
my cat sofly mews as she takes her perch on my head,
licking my earlobe afctionatly, as if to reasure me,
that everything will be okay.
I have a plan.
But instead of reasure me this time,
my cat releases her kindeys,
thier eyes smiling at me.
Her teeth slowly eat my hair,
until there is none left.
All freshly pulled,
in the shredded pile by my feet.
But I know,
no matter what,
I will keep on chomping through the day.

Posted: 01.19.19

Jan 15

humor 0 comments

CKSAR

memory

My first memory from when i was a little kid, i have a really bad memory so i dont remeber a lot. The first thing i ever remeber was i was at the killington daycare and my mom worked at killington and it was nap time, i didnt like nap time, so when the daycare people thought everyone was alseep i snuck over to door, but the door had a baby proof handle so it took me a while to figure it out but i eventually got it, then i looked both ways in the hall way to make sure no one saw me seeking out, then i ran across the hall to the other room. THERE WAS THE TEACHER i quickly ran around the corner to my moms office. She was mad then she procided to tell me how i do it every day so i sat in her office till napped time was over eating cheese doodles then nap time was over, and i could go play again.

Posted: 01.15.19

Dec 17

humor 2 comments challenge: Fourth

Kyle A Emerson

What's up Creator

Heyyyy creator, ya know when you made me you didn't have to make me a lazy slouch. This is my third time late to school... today. I don't know how that's possible but you did it, thanks a lot dude. Hi people reading this, my name is Kyle, and i'm a work of fiction by my creator. His nicknames Richard (if you get my meaning). He's a nice fella when he wants to be, but he usually isn't. He likes to make short storys where people are super lazy or depressed. Probably because he's always like that himself. It's the only way he can express himself. When he made me a fourth wall breaker, he didn't realize he would lose control over me. Neither did I to be honest. It's magical that i'm living, and i'm trying to figure out why this is happening. Maybe if you changed my personality, I could figure it out RICHARD. Him and I are not buddies, but i'm trying to help him get back on his feet so I can find my purpose in life. I know deep right.

Posted: 12.17.18

Dec 17

poem, fiction, humor 2 comments challenge: Power

lana.W

My Defective Power

My superpower is the ability to wright goodly…

Unfortunately inn this universe,

wen someone else has the same power as you,

it makes the power udderly inaffective.

Witch is why i’m ending this pome hear.

Posted: 12.17.18

Dec 15

humor, visual 0 comments challenge: Photo-6 Satire

15hensandarooster

Cat Comic1

Explanation-
The tiny kitty was found by the sympathetic cat lover that rescued him. Everything went seemingly purrfect until she decided to go shopping for treats for her new sweet pet-and was overwhelmed by the amount of food and supplements available. However, the tiny cat proved to have a great appetite and the growth and healthy weight gain of the previously malnourished animal was improving just "as advertised". However, things soon went a little too far....

Note: For some reason the picture was cropped up at the top. I am not sure why- is the size of the file too large? Or is it just because I was uploading in a mobile device and the screen is skewed up?

Posted: 12.15.18

Dec 03

humor 0 comments

Hazel.C.

Salmon

Hello! I've been a bit absent again, so I wanted to share some of my work outside of YWP. I'm currently in a creative writing workshop class at CVU, which I highly reccommend to any writerly CVU students! It's an experimental class, but so far it's been going great, and will hopefully be offered for many years to come. This post and perhaps a few more to come were created for/during this class.

Salmon

“Why were you at the dock at 11 o’ last night?” the interrogator leaned towards me, piercing me like a pine plank with those morn’-caught salmon eyes.

“I’m a fisherman.”

“Your boat was long in.”

I snorted slightly. If that was writt’n in verse, I wouldn’t ‘ve been on that dam dock. “I was gettin’ my boots.”

“Why would you need your boots at that hour of night?”
‘

Posted: 12.03.18

Nov 30

humor 1 comment challenge: Decide

Moises Otero

The decision

I was in the pet store and it was 5 minutes till closing time and I was stuck between a cute husky and a snake.THen when it struck me if I take the dog home that means that I will have to feed and clean up after him.and if I take the snake that meant I will have to take it to the store and find it a cage and that would take time. And I like the time I get it hard to take time off from work. Five minutes were up when I left the store I had more time then I would have had before I went into the store.

Posted: 11.30.18