Jan 10

A Freshie Slushie Recipe For Surviving The School Day

Drink this every day before going to school. This concoction garentees school day survival with very few (if any) emotional explosions, delemas or screaming. 

- 3 cups of fake smiles
- 1 ½ cups of liquid brain fog
- 10 tablespoons of “don’t care” powder
- A brimming ½  cup of airhead laughter
- 1 cup of chill-aid
- 1 teaspoon of cluelessness
- 2 ground stricken eyes
- ½ teaspoon of complain_a_lots
- 1 pound of daydreams



Best served with a slice of humble pie:)
Dec 20
Ms. Naugle's picture

Bread


Bread 
Bread is the meaning of life. When our ancestors had nothing, who did they count on? They counted on bread. When George Washington fought for independence, who did he count on? He counted on bread. When Leonardo Da Vinci painted The Mona Lisa, who did he count on?! It was bread!! So in conclusion, bread is what keeps us alive. It's all we need. 


Hannah McComb

Grade 5

Killington Elementary School
 
Nov 19
humor challenge: Cat Person
Xbeaudin's picture

Dogs > Cats


I have many times labeled myself as a dog person and most definitely not a cat person. I believe that I have more insight than most into this topic because I have had both cats and dogs. Now it may have just been my experience or my cats but I do not like most cats. This is not just an unfair bias because I gave my cats many chances to prove me wrong and they never did. We originally got cats to kill mice in our house but once they stopped doing that they were virtually useless. My oldest cat probably ruined it for the other one because she would always pee in my room and pee in the vent that heats our entire house. Because of this I never liked this cat and most of the time never like the other one either. However my dog Sammy was my best friend and still is to this day. He shows me love and a sort of bond that my cats never could. Emotionally Sammy always felt like a real member of the family while my cats just seemed to be in the background.
Nov 16
humor challenge: Boredom

A Cure:

November 16

Dear Diary, 
I DID IT! 
After countless months and staying up til late hours, I have finally found the cure!
It took almost 8 months,  2 weeks,  6 days,  18 hours, and 28 minutes. But who's counting!
What did I find you ask? The cure for boredom! 
It wasn't easy, like at all! I had to interview numerous other students here at Hogwards, but finally one student told me exactly what I needed to perfect my concoction. 
What did they say? They said that all I needed to perfect any and all potions is to add a little FUN, and not just the feeling (Even though that helped me out a lot!) but the bottled stuff that you can only get by squeezing it out of the big toes of young muggles between 5-13. 
Can you belive it?! A first year had the answer to the hardest thing in my life! As soon as the young first year said that, I immediatly ran to Gryffindor House and added it! 
Sep 22

Interview with a star


Interviewer: Hello Guys, Gals, Nonbinary pals, and all you lovely celestial objects. I’m Gary and today we’re here with Astro, the famous star who changed the universe. Astro, tell us a little bit about yourself!

Astro: Hey guys! I’m Astro! How are you all doing?

*cheering and applause*

Astro: I’m about 30 solar masses. That’s about 30 times the mass of your earth’s sun! Cause of that, when I died I became a black hole, pretty epic huh?

Interviewer: And that’s why this is a virtual interview! We don’t want you killing any of us and we’re pretty sure you don’t want to either! Now, let’s learn the story of your life! 

Astro: Oooh are we talking baby pictures cause I was a CUTE baby! Here’s a picture of me when I was still in a stellar nebula!

*animated stellar nebula picture*

Audience: awwwwwww
Sep 10
humor challenge: Folklore
PaigeBrammell2021's picture

Grandma Isn't Always Right

When I was young and rambunctious I used to chase my grandmother around while making funny faces at her. She would tell me while laughing “if you keep doing that your face will freeze and you'll look like that forever.” As much as she said it, that never stopped me.

Even though I never listened to her I still remember it and look back on it fondly. I am grateful to have spent most of my childhood with my grandmother. She was a wonderful woman who helped shape me into who I am today. Her sarcastic remarks about me being an odd child actually encouraged me to focus on making people laugh rather than focus on impressing people. Just like she did.

 
Sep 10
humor challenge: Folklore
helina.torres-dindo1571's picture

Keep Your Hands

When I was young, my grandmother told me to not stick my hand out the window while she was driving. When I asked why, she would say that my arm would fly off and I’d never get it back. I thought about what would happen if my arm fell off, I thought that I would inevitably bleed out and die if I stuck my hand out the window. I used to always yell at my sister when she did it, or I would get scared if someone else passed us with their hand out the window, thinking that their hand might fall off at any moment.

The Banana Apocalypse

  One day a banana baby was born. The humans HATED HIM!!! The bananas didn't understand why. (They hated him because he smelled like a stink bomb.) So to the bananas, this meant WAR!!!! They then made a weapons Factory. They even made BANANA TANKS!

Next, the bananas started to make an army. Then they attacked on June 5th. They attacked a school first. They did this so that they could turn all the school lunches (which happened to be bananas ) into soldiers. They then turned the school into a fortress with barricades and guard towers. They did the same to a few other schools. 

The US military had to get involved and come to defeat the bananas. (DUN DUN DUN!) The day the U.S. attacked the bananas they then made banana smoothies for everyone. (They also added some strawberries too.)

How The Dinosaurs Got Wiped Out



Now, you might be thinking “wWell, that's easy” and then say something like “They were killed by a volcano” or “an asteroid destroyed them.“ If you are thinking this about dinosaurs then you are wrong. These are all “COMPLETELY” true. 

Now I will tell you the “very first reason” that may have been why the dinosaurs went extinct. The very first reason was that the T-Rex game stopped making money. The reason that this would have killed the dinosaurs is that they would have no money to buy the dinosaurs BBQ chicken and salad. 
Apr 30

A Penguins Inaugural Speech

Hello my fellow penguins,

Today we gather here because I have been elected squakedent. For all you humans here, you would call me your president. Even though I am not yet officially squakedent yet, we must go over some rules. 

1.When it is cold out I will always get to be in the middle. 
2.When I am hungry I will send out random penguins to get me food. If you don’t satisfy me with me food then something bad shall happen. 
3.If penguins come back with food and I am hungry I have every right to take their food. 
4.If we are attacked by other animals and need to evacuate I shall be the first one to get the tunnels. 
5.I shall be treated with the upmost respect like a king.
Apr 29
humor challenge: Stand-up

Aiden and Jaxson's Comedy Show

Joke: Why did Aiden throw his watch out the window? 

Answer: To see time fly.

Joke: What do you call the bad fish?

 Answer: A bull shark.

What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker? 

Answer: I’ve got more pop than you.

  What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

 Answer: They just waved.

 What do you call a grizzly with no socks? 

Answer: Bear foot. 

 
Apr 29
humor challenge: Clicker

The Magic Remote Thingy

I have a pet septic tank. Hi, my name is Flama Glorpson. I am a normal kid, except that I like math, reading andI have no friends. All Right, maybe I’m not the most normal kid, but I do like tacos and melted ice cream. Also, my favorite movie is the Peppa Pig Christmas special.

Alright, let's skip to the chase. Everyone likes car chases just like in Peppa Pig.

Anyway, there's not gonna be a car chase, but there will be a magical remote dropped from above that controls time. You may be wondering how it happened, and the thing is, a walrus threw it at me. It bounced off my rump and went 100,000 feet in the air. A couple of hours later, while I was massaging my sore rump, it then hit me in the face.

Allright, now we're all caught up. 

Now the remote is going into the yard. With one gulp, my pet septic tank (Dut Tud) swallows it!!!!! All of a sudden, I felt a weird sensation and the world I knew disappeared. 
Apr 29
humor challenge: Clicker

The Magic Remote Thingy

I have a pet septic tank. Hi, my name is Flama Glorpson. I am a normal kid, except that I like math, reading andI have no friends. All Right, maybe I’m not the most normal kid, but I do like tacos and melted ice cream. Also, my favorite movie is the Peppa Pig Christmas special.

Alright, let's skip to the chase. Everyone likes car chases just like in Peppa Pig.

Anyway, there's not gonna be a car chase, but there will be a magical remote dropped from above that controls time. You may be wondering how it happened, and the thing is, a walrus threw it at me. It bounced off my rump and went 100,000 feet in the air. A couple of hours later, while I was massaging my sore rump, it then hit me in the face.

Allright, now we're all caught up. 

Now the remote is going into the yard. With one gulp, my pet septic tank (Dut Tud) swallows it!!!!! All of a sudden, I felt a weird sensation and the world I knew disappeared. 
Apr 29
humor challenge: Stand-up

Jaxson and Aiden't Comedy Show

Joke: Why did Aiden throw his watch out the window? 

Answer: To see time fly.

Joke: What do you call the bad fish?

 Answer: A bull shark.

What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker? 

Answer: I’ve got more pop than you.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

 Answer: They just waved.

 What do you call a grizzly with no socks? 

Answer: Bear foot. 

 
Apr 24

The Fairy's Meal

If you’ve never dinned with a fairy then consider yourself lucky. They take hours to decide what they want and then they get their meals, decide they don’t like it, and then they have to order something else. It’s horrid. Just listen to what happened. 


The first 30 minutes the fairy spent trying to decide what she wanted. 


When she finally chose, it took another 20 minutes to get our food. I had gotten BBQ ribs, and the fairy got a tuna fish salad with clam chowder and a side of chocolate mouse.


Low and behold, the fairy decided she didn’t like her absolute complex meal and ordered something else, just as complex. One rack of BBQ ribs, one huge bowl of minestrone soup, and chicken fingers on the side.


Now we’ve spent and hour and a half and we haven’t even eaten our food yet.




2 hours in and we’ve finished everything. FINALLY. Dinner shouldn’t take 2 hours.



Apr 21

Read this carefully...

Mar 18

The missing tree

By Max Leibon, 16, Post Mills, VT

A stunted, scraggly tree sat amongst a few crumpled beer cans and soggy fast food wrappers in a small patch of greying and equally scraggly grass by the side of a highway somewhere in New England. A few dewdrops fell from its branches, forming a small, murky puddle at its base. The dreary November morning allowed little sun through its grey, cloud-laden sky, and what did get through, the tree greedily soaked up with the few leaves still hanging on to its thin, gnarled branches. The tree’s roots wormed their way through the dusty and far-from-nutritious soil, lapping up the minerals they found with vigor bordering on obsession.
Mar 12
Madison C's picture

Ending Racism One Black Square at a Time

Like every teenager, I’m completely obsessed with Instagram. I always spend at least 9 hours brainlessly scrolling through my feed every day. Instagram is the first thing I look at in the morning and the last thing before going to bed each night. But the time I spend on the app continues to pay off. Thanks to my dedication, I’m becoming a bit of a social media influencer. I have a couple of hundred followers and always get like a ton of likes and comments on my posts. At this rate, I’ll probably be verified in a couple of months! 

The Fundamentals

Why is everything? 


what is a human? 



 

Jan 08
Max L.'s picture

The Tree


A stunted, scraggly tree sat amongst a few crumpled beer cans and soggy fast food wrappers in a small patch of greying and equally scraggly grass by the side of a highway somewhere in New England. A few dewdrops fell from its branches, forming a small, murky puddle at its base. The dreary November morning allowed little sun through its grey, cloud-laden sky, and what did get through, the tree greedily soaked up with the few leaves still hanging on to its thin, gnarled branches. The tree’s roots wormed their way through the dusty and far-from-nutritious soil, lapping up the minerals they found with vigor bordering on obsession. The tree paid little attention to these things. It was busy making a plan. You see, the tree had been there since it was a seed, and had worked hard to earn itself a place among the ill-kempt grass and Bud Lite cans, only to be ignored by just about everyone. As you might expect, it was rather fed up with it all.