humor | Young Writers Project

Sep 25

nonfiction, fiction, opinion, essay, rant, humor challenge: Library

Amelia_v

My library

My library would be magical. Not like real magic, but it would feel that way. First of all when you walked in the first thing you would notice would be the smell. Old books and flowers. Not rotting old books, but the nice old book smell. If you read, you probably know what I mean. There would be an entryway, with coat hangers and a cork board full of poster and flyers for art shows, lost pets, cooking classes and more. The door would be big and wooden with big handles. There would always be a nice old lady at the front desk, sipping tea and reading romance novels. The kids section would have bean bags, lots of picture book and special events. The teen section would have big squishy chairs and all the newest books. Plants would be everywhere and so would families. The adult section would be upstairs and not as nice as the kids. When you left, you would always have an armfull of books. You would always long to go back, and dive into the books once more.

Posted: 09.25.22

Sep 25

humor challenge: Sentence Completing No. 1

Amelia_v

Elephant cloud

If you squint your eyes just enough, you should be able to see that cloud over there with the elephant trunk.

Posted: 09.25.22

Aug 06

fiction, rant, humor, CJP challenge: Writing 2022

Ash_Cloud

Perfection

I stood at my bed, shoving my items into the tiny bag, laid out on the sheets. Calla stood at the doorway, tears silently falling down her face. She didn’t want me to know, but she was crying.
“Can’t you stay?” Her voice wavered with every word.
“You know they’ll take me away if I do,” I told her, closing the bag.
“Maybe Papi can convince them to let you stay here -”
“That won’t happen.”

Posted: 08.06.22

Jun 14

humor

Amelia_v

story i wrote with my lit class a few years ago!

Chapter One
One day, long ago a young maiden was walking through the forest. She was listening to the birds, who were trilling their lovely songs.

She considered the bridgeless brook off to her left. The waters whispered and gurgled almost gleefully, begging her to take off her socks, roll up her pants, and wade in. The waters were rather cold, but there was something about the temperature that made the feeling quite pleasant. Suddenly, 2,000 goblins charged out of the forest, trying to capture her, but she had a taser.

”Back, back!” she cried, and she brandished the taser, calling out, “This is on the ‘completely annihilated’ setting!” Suddenly the goblins vanished, smoke curling from the place they had stood like fog in the valley. She was confused, the last time she had been threatened by goblins, they had not disappeared, in a strange and possibly magical fog.

Posted: 06.14.22

May 28

humor

The ELM

The Plane Ride

By Baxter Mangrum

Dear Whoever finds this letter,

When the plane took off seven years ago, I thought it would land. I took a nap and when I awoke the plane was vacant. I looked out the window, but there were only clouds. I do not know what is driving the plane or fueling it. I have tried to go out the exits but they are unopenable and I have stopped trying to open them long ago. I spend most of my time playing chess with myself on a small travel chess set. The pieces seem to be eternally staring at me. As for food, somehow I never get hungry or thirsty. The temperature is always around 57 degrees so I always have to wear my hoodie. My hair is very long because I have no way to cut it. I also look like garbage because there is no way to shower. Sometimes I look out the windows at the aggressive clouds and wish I could live a normal life. I was 22 when I got on this flight so I am around 29 now. If anyone gets this letter, save me.

Desperately,

Posted: 05.28.22

Mar 19

humor challenge: Island

Andre Whiteberg

A Tour of A Completely Normal Island With No Strange Aspects

You may have noticed on the way in that this island's name, "A Completely Normal Island With No Strange Aspects", is a slight misnomer. In fact, it is a rather large misnomer. Everything about this island is strange. The first and most important strange aspect of this island is that it does not obey the laws of physics. Furthermore, it exists in a non-euclidean space, so it is fairly easy to get lost. Keep that in mind as we walk around the island.

Now, if you look to your left, you will see the Spire. The funny thing about the Spire is that no one knows what it is, or even what it's made of. The island staff haven't been able to get close to it, so we have to guess. Right now, we think it's just an iron lodestone. It appears to give off an unusually strong magnetic field which affects much more than just ferrous metals, most notably water. If you look near the bottom of the spire, you'll actually see the seawater being pushed away from it.

Posted: 03.19.22

Mar 12

poem, humor

cedar

Results of writing rhymes at 11:18 pm

The outfit I've chosen is past compare,

It matches right down to my underwear.

All who behold it break into song,

Posted: 03.12.22

Jan 10

humor

Whitney

A Freshie Slushie Recipe For Surviving The School Day

Drink this every day before going to school. This concoction garentees school day survival with very few (if any) emotional explosions, delemas or screaming.

- 3 cups of fake smiles
- 1 ½ cups of liquid brain fog
- 10 tablespoons of “don’t care” powder
- A brimming ½ cup of airhead laughter
- 1 cup of chill-aid
- 1 teaspoon of cluelessness
- 2 ground stricken eyes
- ½ teaspoon of complain_a_lots
- 1 pound of daydreams

Best served with a slice of humble pie:)

Posted: 01.10.22

Dec 20

humor challenge: General/Free Write

Ms. Naugle

Bread

Bread
Bread is the meaning of life. When our ancestors had nothing, who did they count on? They counted on bread. When George Washington fought for independence, who did he count on? He counted on bread. When Leonardo Da Vinci painted The Mona Lisa, who did he count on?! It was bread!! So in conclusion, bread is what keeps us alive. It's all we need.

Hannah McComb

Grade 5

Killington Elementary School

Posted: 12.20.21

Nov 19

humor challenge: Cat Person

Xbeaudin

Dogs > Cats

I have many times labeled myself as a dog person and most definitely not a cat person. I believe that I have more insight than most into this topic because I have had both cats and dogs. Now it may have just been my experience or my cats but I do not like most cats. This is not just an unfair bias because I gave my cats many chances to prove me wrong and they never did. We originally got cats to kill mice in our house but once they stopped doing that they were virtually useless. My oldest cat probably ruined it for the other one because she would always pee in my room and pee in the vent that heats our entire house. Because of this I never liked this cat and most of the time never like the other one either. However my dog Sammy was my best friend and still is to this day. He shows me love and a sort of bond that my cats never could. Emotionally Sammy always felt like a real member of the family while my cats just seemed to be in the background.

Posted: 11.19.21

Nov 16

humor challenge: Boredom

Mrs_Mango3340

A Cure:

November 16

Dear Diary,
I DID IT!
After countless months and staying up til late hours, I have finally found the cure!
It took almost 8 months, 2 weeks, 6 days, 18 hours, and 28 minutes. But who's counting!
What did I find you ask? The cure for boredom!
It wasn't easy, like at all! I had to interview numerous other students here at Hogwards, but finally one student told me exactly what I needed to perfect my concoction.
What did they say? They said that all I needed to perfect any and all potions is to add a little FUN, and not just the feeling (Even though that helped me out a lot!) but the bottled stuff that you can only get by squeezing it out of the big toes of young muggles between 5-13.
Can you belive it?! A first year had the answer to the hardest thing in my life! As soon as the young first year said that, I immediatly ran to Gryffindor House and added it!

Posted: 11.16.21

Sep 22

humor

thistle_and_sprout

Interview with a star

Interviewer: Hello Guys, Gals, Nonbinary pals, and all you lovely celestial objects. I’m Gary and today we’re here with Astro, the famous star who changed the universe. Astro, tell us a little bit about yourself!

Astro: Hey guys! I’m Astro! How are you all doing?

*cheering and applause*

Astro: I’m about 30 solar masses. That’s about 30 times the mass of your earth’s sun! Cause of that, when I died I became a black hole, pretty epic huh?

Interviewer: And that’s why this is a virtual interview! We don’t want you killing any of us and we’re pretty sure you don’t want to either! Now, let’s learn the story of your life!

Astro: Oooh are we talking baby pictures cause I was a CUTE baby! Here’s a picture of me when I was still in a stellar nebula!

*animated stellar nebula picture*

Audience: awwwwwww

Posted: 09.22.21

Sep 10

humor challenge: Folklore

PaigeBrammell2021

Grandma Isn't Always Right

When I was young and rambunctious I used to chase my grandmother around while making funny faces at her. She would tell me while laughing “if you keep doing that your face will freeze and you'll look like that forever.” As much as she said it, that never stopped me.

Even though I never listened to her I still remember it and look back on it fondly. I am grateful to have spent most of my childhood with my grandmother. She was a wonderful woman who helped shape me into who I am today. Her sarcastic remarks about me being an odd child actually encouraged me to focus on making people laugh rather than focus on impressing people. Just like she did.

Posted: 09.10.21

Sep 10

humor challenge: Folklore

helina.torres-d...

Keep Your Hands

When I was young, my grandmother told me to not stick my hand out the window while she was driving. When I asked why, she would say that my arm would fly off and I’d never get it back. I thought about what would happen if my arm fell off, I thought that I would inevitably bleed out and die if I stuck my hand out the window. I used to always yell at my sister when she did it, or I would get scared if someone else passed us with their hand out the window, thinking that their hand might fall off at any moment.

Posted: 09.10.21

May 14

humor challenge: General/Free Write

Chook

The Banana Apocalypse

One day a banana baby was born. The humans HATED HIM!!! The bananas didn't understand why. (They hated him because he smelled like a stink bomb.) So to the bananas, this meant WAR!!!! They then made a weapons Factory. They even made BANANA TANKS!

Next, the bananas started to make an army. Then they attacked on June 5th. They attacked a school first. They did this so that they could turn all the school lunches (which happened to be bananas ) into soldiers. They then turned the school into a fortress with barricades and guard towers. They did the same to a few other schools.

The US military had to get involved and come to defeat the bananas. (DUN DUN DUN!) The day the U.S. attacked the bananas they then made banana smoothies for everyone. (They also added some strawberries too.)

Posted: 05.14.21

May 06

humor challenge: General/Free Write

Chook

How The Dinosaurs Got Wiped Out

Now, you might be thinking “wWell, that's easy” and then say something like “They were killed by a volcano” or “an asteroid destroyed them.“ If you are thinking this about dinosaurs then you are wrong. These are all “COMPLETELY” true.

Now I will tell you the “very first reason” that may have been why the dinosaurs went extinct. The very first reason was that the T-Rex game stopped making money. The reason that this would have killed the dinosaurs is that they would have no money to buy the dinosaurs BBQ chicken and salad.

Posted: 05.06.21

Apr 30

humor

slothwriter

A Penguins Inaugural Speech

Hello my fellow penguins,

Today we gather here because I have been elected squakedent. For all you humans here, you would call me your president. Even though I am not yet officially squakedent yet, we must go over some rules.

1.When it is cold out I will always get to be in the middle.
2.When I am hungry I will send out random penguins to get me food. If you don’t satisfy me with me food then something bad shall happen.
3.If penguins come back with food and I am hungry I have every right to take their food.
4.If we are attacked by other animals and need to evacuate I shall be the first one to get the tunnels.
5.I shall be treated with the upmost respect like a king.

Posted: 04.30.21

Apr 29

humor challenge: Stand-up

Chook

Aiden and Jaxson's Comedy Show

Joke: Why did Aiden throw his watch out the window?

Answer: To see time fly.

Joke: What do you call the bad fish?

Answer: A bull shark.

What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?

Answer: I’ve got more pop than you.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Answer: They just waved.

What do you call a grizzly with no socks?

Answer: Bear foot.

Posted: 04.29.21

Apr 29

humor challenge: Clicker

Chook

The Magic Remote Thingy

I have a pet septic tank. Hi, my name is Flama Glorpson. I am a normal kid, except that I like math, reading andI have no friends. All Right, maybe I’m not the most normal kid, but I do like tacos and melted ice cream. Also, my favorite movie is the Peppa Pig Christmas special.

Alright, let's skip to the chase. Everyone likes car chases just like in Peppa Pig.

Anyway, there's not gonna be a car chase, but there will be a magical remote dropped from above that controls time. You may be wondering how it happened, and the thing is, a walrus threw it at me. It bounced off my rump and went 100,000 feet in the air. A couple of hours later, while I was massaging my sore rump, it then hit me in the face.

Allright, now we're all caught up.

Now the remote is going into the yard. With one gulp, my pet septic tank (Dut Tud) swallows it!!!!! All of a sudden, I felt a weird sensation and the world I knew disappeared.

Posted: 04.29.21

Apr 29

humor challenge: Clicker

Chook

The Magic Remote Thingy

Posted: 04.29.21

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