humor | Young Writers Project

Dec 03

Hazel.C.

Salmon

Hello! I've been a bit absent again, so I wanted to share some of my work outside of YWP. I'm currently in a creative writing workshop class at CVU, which I highly reccommend to any writerly CVU students! It's an experimental class, but so far it's been going great, and will hopefully be offered for many years to come. This post and perhaps a few more to come were created for/during this class.

Salmon

“Why were you at the dock at 11 o’ last night?” the interrogator leaned towards me, piercing me like a pine plank with those morn’-caught salmon eyes.

“I’m a fisherman.”

“Your boat was long in.”

I snorted slightly. If that was writt’n in verse, I wouldn’t ‘ve been on that dam dock. “I was gettin’ my boots.”

“Why would you need your boots at that hour of night?”
‘

Posted: 12.03.18

Nov 30

humor 1 comment challenge: Decide

Moises Otero

The decision

I was in the pet store and it was 5 minutes till closing time and I was stuck between a cute husky and a snake.THen when it struck me if I take the dog home that means that I will have to feed and clean up after him.and if I take the snake that meant I will have to take it to the store and find it a cage and that would take time. And I like the time I get it hard to take time off from work. Five minutes were up when I left the store I had more time then I would have had before I went into the store.

Posted: 11.30.18

Nov 24

poem, humor 0 comments

LadyMidnight

The Girl who Only Speaks in Song Titles

SINGER: Hello!

ME: Hey! Say, do you know what those are?

SINGER: Don't be afraid of those thunderclouds.

Boom. It starts to pour.

ME: Ahh!! It's raining!

SINGER: You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella hey hey.

ME: What are you doing?

SINGER: Singing in the rain, just singing in the rain.

ME: Why?

SINGER: Because I am happy! Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.

ME: Umm... Okay I'll clap along. Where are we going?

SINGER: The long and winding road.

ME: Seems uh.. Long! and windy. Anywhere else?

SINGER: Penny lane.

ME: Ugg... Do we have too? It's raining and that dude always wears a bowler hat in the pouring rain.

SINGER: Very strange.

ME: Can't- Oh hey! It's your dad!

Points to a man with a green bag.

ME: Oh wait never mind. Your dad has a red bag.

Posted: 11.24.18

Nov 23

humor 0 comments challenge: Royalty

CKSBP

King of Marshmallows

I am King Mallo, ruler of all Marshmallownians. I am in charge of making sure all peace is kept in the world of the Mallows. I became King of the Marshmallownians by being the oldest and wisest at over 4018 years old. I have made many tough decisions for the laws and regulations of my kingdom. All Fluffians are outlawed because of how much of a mess they can cause. All major criminals are sent to the burning pits where their skin is burnt, bubbled, and eventually melted off in a fiery blaze. The most dangerous and highly illegal "Marshmellows" are the artificially made ones, they are instantly killed on sight because of the fact that they are a biohazard to everyone, and everything. I can be a difficult job at times, but I King Mallo will remain a fair and honest ruler that will stop at nothing to ensure the well-being of my Marshmallownians.

Posted: 11.23.18

Nov 23

non-fiction, humor 0 comments challenge: Royalty

K.grant

The junkyard man

He was a dumb ruler of something stupid. He couldn’t even get dressed right in the morning. He wore socks on his hands and mittens on his feet. He Didn't even know where his pants belonged, he put them on his head and wore only underwear. His shirt was always backward and his hat well you can guess where he put that… anyways he walked around like he was the smartest man alive but everyone knew he was dumb. He walked around the junkyard like he was king of the world but no, he ruled the junk of the town. He owned what everybody else didn’t want, the trash, the bad Christmas presents that sat in everybody’s basement until they paid the dumb ruler five dollars to throw it in his junkyard. His throne is a broken rusted bike, and he probably shouldn’t even sit on it. He built a shack out of old lice infested couches and acts like it’s a castle. The townsfolk all assume he just never grew out of the dumb imagination stage.

Posted: 11.23.18

Nov 17

poem, humor 2 comments challenge: Fourth

LadyMidnight

Everyday

Every single day
Exactly the same
I wake up
And then fall asleep
Breathing the same air as yesterday.
My stepmother yells at me
My stepsisters yell at me
The birds help me out
My fairy godmother shows up
I leave in a pumpkin
Lose my shoe at the ball
yadda yadda
Every freaking day.
The problem is that
My step family and I get along well.
The Prince has warts and a nasty temper.
The pumpkin rots sometimes so we have to use an acorn squash.
And still, we all know
In “real life” we don’t exist.
Which is kinda funny considering that we all have the same body parts as “humans.”
But that’s okay.
We will just keep being a figment of someone else’s imagination.
PS If the dude who wrote me is still around,
Can you please tell him to change my name?
Cinderella is pretty dumb.

Posted: 11.17.18

Nov 16

humor 2 comments

LadyMidnight

THE ONE TRUE LOVE OF MY LIFE

IMG_E3289.jpg

I understand this probably is not the best thing, but I am offically in LOVE with sugar. My parents say "No more candy after Thanksgiving!" I guess I'd better start eating! :)

Posted: 11.16.18

Nov 16

humor 1 comment challenge: Fighting-Words

hockeygirlforever

On the Banks of the River Styx

Charon: Thou mortal of utter hubris, you dare stand before me, Charon, deliverer of souls, and demand thou be exempt from my laws? Of what consequence to me is thy passage, or lack thereof? Thy body hath abandoned you, thy life hath fled, and thy relations hath forsaken thee: left without a coin. So tell me, oh great hero of the world, what claim have you to arete? What claim have you to kleos, thou who is so clearly dispensable?

Warrior: Oh My Gods, do we have to have this conversation every time? Your memory isn’t what it used to be, Charon. I’ve been trying to cross this river, since ya know, I got eaten. It’s 2018, and things have changed: Love is love, EmpowHER, and the likes. Oddly enough, walls are making a comeback too, I guess they didn’t learn from Troy. Look, the point is no one gets buried with a coin anymore, just FYI. Have you noticed your lack of business lately? Yeah, that’s because no one believes in you anymore.

Posted: 11.16.18

Nov 16

humor 2 comments

LadyMidnight

Rhymes with Air

While taking a horseride through the fresh air
I just so happened to find a bear
It approached me with great care
I approached it because of a dare
"Little person how do you fare?"
Asked the mountainous thing with silky black hair.
"Well I am sorry to bring you out of your lair.
But I was hoping you could direct me to the fair.
I am rather lost me and my mare.
Her name is Pierre."
Oh did that bear ever stare.
"Well isn't this rare?
But you wanted the fair?
It is right over there.
But remember, you will need a fare."
"Thank you so much Mr Bear!"
And we rode off
Me and Pierre.
Then I opened my eyes with a wondering stare
"Get up!" said my aupair.
Sigh. A dream. It seemed real I swear.
Well have a good life. I miss you Mr. Bear.
I miss you too Pierre.

Posted: 11.16.18

Nov 07

humor 4 comments

The Young Poet

Field Hockey Inside Jokes

We are like sisters, best friends, and teammates rolled into one. But what other teams don't have that we do, are inside jokes.

THE BIG ONE STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!!
I GOT BALLS IN MY BANK ACCOUNT
IS THE GOALIE STICK FOR DECORATION?
CLAIRE LIKES CARROTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUTTERFLY DANCE
NED + FRANK + AL
NED CONFIRMED
PICKLES THOUGHT YOU WERE A MARSHMALLOW

Ah the good ole days... I'm gonna miss you girls. Until next season!

Posted: 11.07.18

Nov 06

poem, humor 0 comments challenge: Royalty

LadyMidnight

Queen Dorothy - Stereotypical Teenager

"All hail her majesty, the queen!"
Oops, that's me.
God, on this planet they act like I'm a god or something.
I snap my gum and step out into the road.
Really?
They are bowing again?
Whatever.
It's better than nothing.
Besides no one ever did that in Kansas.
Seriously.
That tornado was the best day of my life.
Left behind that stinky old farm and became a queen.
Not bad considering I'm not yet 14.
"Speech! Speech!"
Like, really though?
Uggg...
But I suppose if it makes the Munchkins happy.
I'll just pass a few laws and stuff.
" Um.. Hey everyone!"
Loud cheers
"So.. Here's your speech. I am umm.. creating a new national holiday. Today is national candy day!
Candy for all!"
Loud cheers and celebrating.
I wave to all my subjects as my soldiers pass out candy.
Cool. That means I'll have a giant bowl of candy to eat back at the palace.

Posted: 11.06.18

Nov 05

humor 2 comments

Nicole Jasmin

hey!

Hey, it's been a while,
Y'know, it's kinda hard being back on here with school and all that stuff.... what's up guys?
I wonder if anyone's forgotten me... hmm...
Tell you what, I'll try to get on here and tell the news when I can, keyword being TRY.
Oh, there a other reason for my absence: my family moved. Yeah, I hard to start a new school, get used to my new home, it's been pretty weird.
There are big projects coming soon to a theater new you, stay tuned!
A new backstory about me will be in development soon, will post the story and written trailer when I actually have time. I'll try to make it interest as possible, I garuntee you that!
So, that's basically it for now, have a good day everyone!

Posted: 11.05.18

Nov 02

humor 0 comments challenge: Definition

Alexander wiedrick

Rat

The word rat has a special meaning to me. It means more than just a tiny creature or a rodent Its special. Sometimes it makes me cry. Sometimes it makes me laugh. The word is so very important to me. I can barely describe its meaning. A word has never had such special meaning to me before. It reminds me of happy things like kittens and chocolate. It also reminds me of sad things such as rain or death. Rat means something special. Rat is short for Ratthew.

Posted: 11.02.18

Oct 30

humor 0 comments

adrianh

Surrounded By Haters In The Fall

Surrounded by Haters In Fall
By Henry Adrian

Y'all ready for this poop?

Here we go.

Fall, it makes you think

About how your face looks like a ship just sank

But when I think of fall, the leaves look like they’re covered with ink...

I think it’s really dank

Haters think they can hide behind the leaves

But I’m dodge’n and slash’n with my rake

They’re punch’s and swings I weave

And the news they’re spreading is fake
ooooo ….. These haters think they can hide in the dark

But I’ma come at them like a shark

These haters they’re surrounding me

People say i’m a bad rapper

That’s true, but at least I’m not a bad dabber

I Naruto run in the fall

But when you step down the stairs

You drop like a doll in the wind of fall

Posted: 10.30.18

Oct 29

humor 0 comments challenge: Photo-3 Thinking

Hausmane

Side Effects May Include...

Side effects of adventuring may include mauling, maiming, dismemberment, partial or complete decapitation, incineration, vaporization, petrification, partially or completely dissolved limbs or organs, temporary or permanent death, exponential increase in wealth or fame, laceration, piercing wounds, necrosis, immortality, radiant ascension, being struck by lightning, angering a god or gods, descending into madness, and last but certainly not least destruction of ultimately the entire multiverse.

Posted: 10.29.18

Oct 27

humor 0 comments challenge: Lies

sorayaissad

Lies

lies lies    lies lie lies lies    lies lies lies lies
lies    lies lies lies
lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies
lies lies    lies    lies
lies lies lies lies    lies    lies lies lies lies lies lies lies

the word lie seems like a lie to your eyes

Posted: 10.27.18

Oct 25

non-fiction, humor 0 comments

Rubber Soul

CONVERSATION YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD IF YOU HAD BEEN (FOR SOME UNKNOWN AND HOPEFULLY MADE UP REASON) LISTENING IN ON MY VACATION:

MOM: It's almost tomorrow, and we have to leave tomorrow. You three should go to bed.

SISTER: Okay. I'm tired. 'Night.

BROTHER: I'm watching Spongebob before I'm going to bed.

ME: I'm watching... um... *tries to come up with something clever and funny to say but is too tired.*

UNCLE: The inside of you eyelids?

ME: That's such an old person thing to say!

UNCLE: Ouch... that wouldn't have been as offensive if I said it ironically... but I actually thought it was funny... (Pretending to be angry:) Well, anyway, now I know what you're watching. Season three of Stranger Things! Oh, wait! You can't! You have to wait until 2019! HA!

ME; NOOOO!

UNCLE: (Still pretending to be angry:) Serves you right for calling me old!

ME: (Pretending to be hurt:) You're cruel! *Five minutes later goes to bed and laughs for like an hour and keeps siblings awake.*

Posted: 10.25.18

Oct 18

humor 0 comments challenge: Winter/18

monomondo

Wintertime "Antics"

It’s close to wintertime again. It’s close to the time of year that causes people to annoyingly complain or just be a little too happy about it. It’s the time of year that it’s socially acceptable for me to stay inside not because it’ll get below freezing, but because I just hate everyone a little more at this time of year. The few times when I do go outside, I just grab a bunch of snow (basically a ball if pollutants because of recent events) and either throw it, drop it, or just eat it because I can.

Posted: 10.18.18

Oct 15

humor 2 comments challenge: Winter/18

Jen L.

When We Ate the Beatles

One day my siblings and I went to our cousins’ house. My brother and the oldest cousin were doing something together while my other cousin and my sister were making snowmen with me. We decided to make the Beatles as snowmen. So, we assigned the each person a Beatle. I got two. I had Ringo and George, my cousin had John, and my sister had Paul. We were talking while making them, and, sadly, I don’t know what we were talking about. I think my sister said something that made me playfully push her, but I accidentally pushed her into one of the Snowbeatles. His head and torso fell off. We were all like, noooo!! So, we decided to destroy the other ones. You know, one for all and all for one.

Posted: 10.15.18

Oct 12

humor 0 comments

Gyury the Destroyer

I am different

I am different, I feel different, I act different, I am me. At a glance I look like everyone else, though if you knew me, you could pick me out of a crowd. One thing, I almost always wear a sweatshirt or hoodie, I’m not exactly sure why. I’ll purposely do bizzare things to make others feel uncomfortable, for example once I sawed a banana in half, scooped out the contents of the peel with a knife and then poured chocolate milk into it and drank it. Occasionally I’ll wear things to make me stand out, once I went to Boston and I wore a bright green octopus hat, other times it’ll be less noticable, for example I once wore a skeleton costume under my sweatshirt and would reveal this at random intervals. My favorite instrument is the kazoo and I’ll even bring it on school trips to annoy others, sometimes I wonder why I find joy in annoying others. Oh wait I know why because I am different, and I am me.

Posted: 10.12.18