humor | Young Writers Project

Nov 20

humor 0 comments challenge: General/Free Write

Leif's Mad Libs

As Rey and BB8 walked along the adjective dessert, they felt an adjective breeze blow on their part of your face. BB8 said something that Rey translated as ”Those adjective nouns are trying to catch us.” Rey looked behind them and saw a noun with a huge weapon . BB8 and Rey verbed away from it. After they had verb at 20 nouns, they decided to stop. “ I verb like the element when a animal is verb ending in ing me.” said Rey.

Posted: 11.20.20

Nov 02

humor 0 comments

BackyardBookworm

Car Breakdown

A while ago, a month I think, my car broke down. I was on a freeway, and I was just barely able to pull onto the side. I got out, and waited for a car to stop. I could've sent for a tow truck, but I didn't want to waste the money and I didn't think that I would get any service out there. Anyway, I waited for a car to stop. Oddly, no one did. I thought I saw someone laughing at me, too. After an hour, someone finally stopped. They got out, and before they could say anything, I said, "What were ya doing!? I've been sitting here for an hour!" They looked surprised. "I only just came through and saw you here. Sorry for the long wait though." The next words that came out of my mouth was, "Ya dang right, sorry. You couldn't have come an hour earlier?" Then, they just left. Sped off, leaving me in the dust. Another hour went by until another person stopped. I said, "What were ya doing!? I've been sitting here for two hours!" They looked surprised.

Posted: 11.02.20

Oct 27

humor 0 comments challenge: CJP-Barrett

Icarus Blackmore

A tribute

Oh, noble Justice Barrett,
How very brave of you
To close those same doors
Opened to you
By the woman you now replace.

Posted: 10.27.20

Oct 16

humor 1 comment challenge: Winter Tales 2020

RainbowAura

The Effect of Sugar On the Snow Queen

"Winter is here," chilled the Snow Queen from frozen teeth.
"Winter is here," agreed the snowflake, falling from Sky's icy hand.

I heard this all, hidden behind an ice covered tree. Suddenly, an icecicle cracked beneath my feet.
The Snow Queen whirled around, her eyes blazing. "What mortal DARES to look upon me?" she shrieked.
"You and all your family shall be forever frozen!" She walked closer to freeze me into a block of ice.
I fumbled, dropping my thermos of hot chocolate onto the snow. The Snow Queen stopped.
"What is that?" she demanded. "Give it to me!" I had an idea. "Okay, I'll give it to you, if you let me go,
and if you don't freeze me and my family." Her eyes narrowed. "Fine." The Snow Queen grabbed the thermos,
opened it and sniffed it. "No doubt, this is a secret potion for everlasting beauty !" she cried.

Posted: 10.16.20

Oct 15

fiction, humor 2 comments

Yellow Sweater

Want to go to Copenhagen?

The apartment was full of warm light. It was nestled near the top of one of Manhattan's highest towers. The storm thrashed the floor to ceiling windows with harmless theatrics. I was sprawled on a too-stiff couch, staring up at the deconstructed chandelier that subtly denoted the seating area. The fixture was imported from Copenhagen where they made an art of filtering light.

I reached for the martini I had set on the coffee table. “Want to go to Copenhagen?”

Aiden pressed a hand against the window. “Why Copenhagen? I would rather be somewhere like Bermuda... or maybe Province. What’s the south of France like in October?”

“Stories always start when it’s dark and stormy. Have you ever heard of anything exciting beginning on a warm and clear night? ” I laughed. “It was a clear and warm night in Aix when suddenly, out of the fountains, came a giant gooey monster.”

“We had our first date on a summer evening.’ He pouted.

Posted: 10.15.20

Oct 08

rant, humor 6 comments

Ice Blink

How to be a little sister

This is what you say when you get asked “Are you _______’s little sister?” ; this is how you act when you get that look, the one that says I think I know your brother but i’m not sure so I won’t ask ; don’t do this when someone judges you on your sibling; this how you smile and nod; this is how you change the subject; this is how you laugh when they say Oh, yeah, I remember ______; this how you reply when they tell you to tell ______ this; this is how to make cookies for _______ because they are 4 years older than you but still don’t know how to cook; this is how to get _______ to drive you there; this is how to get _______ to drive you home; this is how to persuade _______ to pick you up here; this is how you pick the music for the car; this is how to figure out the 4 songs you can play; this is how to call ________ a dimwit; this is what you say when _______ wants to watch Star Wars Again; this how to still like a movie even if _______ does too;

Posted: 10.08.20

Sep 29

humor 0 comments challenge: Maze

goldfish2020

corn maze

It started out fun but after about ten mintues I was ready break through the golden corn maze. All of this started when I asked my mom to go down to the corn maze they have a hallween festival with mountains of candy and our small town of vermont is famous for this corn maze. There is this silly rumor that it is hanuted or something but I don't believe it one bit, or so I thought. As I walk through the corn maze scared out of my pants I turn a sharp conrer and BOOM there is a scare crow "omg" I say I thought I was just about to be killed like a horror movie. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. It started to get dark And I heard a HOO, Hoo in the backround. I recognize the area I am in ughhh I am going around in circles. Then I start to panic and then I break down and the water works start coming and then I hear a familar voice.

Posted: 09.29.20

Sep 09

fiction, humor 1 comment

Yellow Sweater

Books and Katanas

(My friend and I have been playing this game where we make up writing prompts for each other, then write a story about whatever we are sent. My prompt last night was: "Amazon sends you a free gift with your package, but instead of something lame like toilet paper, its a katana." I have been having lots of fun with my these prompts. Not only do they get me writing about new topics, they get me writing in new styles as well.)

I was very excited to get my box of tightly packed books. I had been treating myself to periodic brain care packages since Quarantine began to seep into my bones. I had surrendered to lethargy and I figured I would make the most of it: Homer, Machiavelli, Proust… They were all stacked up so nicely in their box, the epitome of order, of potential. I could feel the heft of all those weighty words as I dragged the square cardboard container into my living room.

Posted: 09.09.20

Aug 17

poem, humor 0 comments

A Sports Person

Shoot

It are time to shine. We are the future, present, and past. One choice can change everything. My choice is to shoot. Not just for the stars, but the ball. Boom.

Posted: 08.17.20

Aug 15

humor 0 comments challenge: Manual

Yellow Sweater

Self-Worship

"I am your new tutor, Alexandria---

"Like the ancient library!"

"Yes. The one that we burned. I am supposed to teach you anthropology. Humanity is a terrible self destructive mess. I couId leave it there, but we have a whole hour to burn. So, for the benefit of your young innocent ears, I will expound. I will start by using the most ubiquitous of human devises: the allegory. And where else could one find a better allegory for the nature of humanity then our own history?"

"How can you already be pontificating? You just introduced yourself!"

"Pontification is a trademark of humanity."

"It doesn't have to be."

"We will see if you still think that once I have finished with my lesson."

"Please just start"
“
"Fine. Here it goes: the story of the first interplanetary war...

Posted: 08.15.20

Aug 09

nonfiction, rant, humor 0 comments

Silent Wolf

The Story of Coming Out (and being closeted)

Note: I'm writing this the way I speak, so I apologize for any grammatical errors.

Before I was out, things were simpler, to say the least. The questions were less, "ooo, who do you like, spill!" And more like, "oo, what are you going to have for dinner, DANG IT, you spilled the tea! Go clean that up!" Or rather, that was before any of us were thinking about being out and more about what we were going to find in our lunchboxes (let me tell you, I often found the strangest things—orange peel, dog food, even the odd piece of string that my cat had clearly ruined).

Posted: 08.09.20

Aug 07

fiction, humor 1 comment

Yellow Sweater

No Cabbage

The ship was full of rats. They ate all the cabbage. Though, even the rats avoided the bread; the moldy foul bread we were forced to consume day after endless day. Our water supply was running low. But we didn’t think about that much, surrounded as we were by more water then we dared contemplate. Sometimes the sheer volume of the ocean got to us. We would stare at the sea and get a bit queasy. When we were especially melancholy we would add our own precious bile-tinged water to the frothing mass below. I don’t think any of us believed the sea would ever end. We each had our own beliefs about what we would find beyond the blue, but even our faith was washed away by the pure mind-numbing pain of the journey.

Posted: 08.07.20

Jul 12

humor 5 comments

shootingforstars

Madam President

Madam President

Moderator: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Let’s get ready to rumble! And welcome to the 2040 Presidential Debate. In this corner: your incumbent candidate, the man of the hour. He’s given you such hits as casual racism and blatant sexism. He’s stunned you on the internet! He’s claimed that a global pandemic was a conspiracy designed to hurt his ratings. Please welcome, Ronald “The Man” Manson!!

Ronald waves

The crowd goes wild!!

Moderator: And in this corner! Our challenger approaches… with a focus on improving damages done to foreign policy and quote fixing our broken education system…(scoff) A woman with more degrees than children and a willingness to employ people outside of her family. But will a certain pair of factors make her tougher to elect? I give you Hilarabeth THE ACTUALLY QUALIFIED Woodhull

Hilarabeth waves to the crowd

Posted: 07.12.20

Jul 02

humor 0 comments

Climate Writers

A notice

By Penelope deRosset, Edmunds Middle School

Human Citizens of Earth,

As the Assistant Warden of Galactic Sector IMB452643, I am responsible for your solar system and thus am deeply concerned about the condition in which you are leaving your planet. In your Earth degrees, the average surface temperature of your planet has risen about 0.9℃. (I’m using Celsius here because American measurement systems are weird.) At this rate, the Arctic ice cap will melt by mid-century. That, in case you didn’t realize, means no more polar bears along with a whole host of terrible things. Please don’t wreck your planet. Our sector has had a clean record for millennia. If you ruin that, my boss will blame it on me and Carla from Sector IMB452645 will gloat for ages.

Posted: 07.02.20

Jun 17

poem, humor 0 comments

amaryllis

p.s.- december to return to jan

why do jan and feb march right into april,
even if it may, no it will, june right into july
after august pierces its sept with an oct ring,
but nov one decembers how many baes they each have?

Posted: 06.17.20

Jun 07

humor 1 comment

A Sports Person

How Could You Live Without Jokes

Everyone needs a joke.
Like I mean it.
You couldn't live without that little laugh.
That one thing that keeps you going.
Especially right now.
Like,
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Guess!
Because every play has a cast.
Get it?
Even if you don't, tell another joke.
It will make someones day.

Posted: 06.07.20

Jun 02

humor 0 comments

zoeyu

Times Mayonnaise Ruined Someone's Life

Since you ate a mayo tuna fish sandwich before a job interview and didn’t have any gum, you went to the vending machine to buy some. After spending twenty-five minutes trying to force the machine to accept your dollar bill, the interviewer found you on your knees, shaking and crying, babbling about string theory. When you tried to apologize for being late, he got a full whiff of your reeking breath and became immediately comatose. You became a convicted felon for attempted murder and was forced to flee the country, which was a shame, because you would’ve loved the office snacks.

Posted: 06.02.20

Jun 02

humor 0 comments

zoeyu

15 Things To Do Instead of Actually Working

Stalk your ex-best friend from the second grade on Instagram. Accidentally like a picture from 2004.
Ask your doctor if Lyrimera is right for you.
Tape googly eyes to furniture.
Try to break the Guinness World Record for loudest burp.
Write the first chapter of your autobiography, in case you ever become famous.
Drive around just to look out of the window and pretend you’re in a music video.
Try to solve a crossword puzzle. Give up to take a BuzzFeed quiz to see what Veggie Tales character you are.
Watch veterans come home. Cry.
Memorize the lyrics to the rap part of Justin Bieber’s “Baby.”
Stage an intervention for your peanut-M&M-addicted friend, who’s allergic to peanuts. And chocolate.
Learn Tai Chi. Knock over your mother’s antique Persian vase.
Have a conversation with Siri instead of going to a therapist.
Online shop.

Posted: 06.02.20

May 18

humor 2 comments

EpicElle

The glass is half empty, but it's also half full

It's sunny outside!
listen to the birds chirp!
Yay! It's more than 60 degrees!

Sigh.
The bugs are out,
and there is still a wind-chill.

When we're in lockdown,
I can try so many new things!

Lockdown life
is so
BORING.

I talk to my friends,
through a screen,
but who cares?
I can still see their smiles!

They say it's the same,
but it's really not.
Pixelated faces are different
than real ones.

Life would be boring
if there weren't unexpected turns,
don't you agree?

Life IS boring,
even with those
unpredicted twists.

Oh would you look at that?
They've got something really cool!
I'm so happy for them.

Ugh
look at them
They've got another gadget
I could never afford.

Cheer up a little!
Live life to it's fullest!

Posted: 05.18.20

May 16

poem, humor 0 comments challenge: Go

Cloudkitty

A Message To The Aliens

I just want to go to the Moon,
be able to know what they mean when they say, “It's a small world after all!”
Watch the stars with no noises or distractions.
I would go up at night -
wait -
Who am I kidding?
It’s practically night up there all the time!
Unless…
you get too close to the Sun!
But we're talking about the Moon!
I’ll fly up in a red rocket ship from NASA and jump down in a heavy astronaut suit and helmet
And I’ll put a flag
right next to the American one saying,
“Hey, aliens! If you know how to read - well you do if you’re reading this - but, go to YWP and check out my POEMS!”

Posted: 05.16.20