When I was young, my grandmother told me to not stick my hand out the window while she was driving. When I asked why, she would say that my arm would fly off and I’d never get it back. I thought about what would happen if my arm fell off, I thought that I would inevitably bleed out and die if I stuck my hand out the window. I used to always yell at my sister when she did it, or I would get scared if someone else passed us with their hand out the window, thinking that their hand might fall off at any moment.

Now, you might be thinking “wWell, that's easy” and then say something like “They were killed by a volcano” or “an asteroid destroyed them.“ If you are thinking this about dinosaurs then you are wrong. These are all “COMPLETELY” true. 

Now I will tell you the “very first reason” that may have been why the dinosaurs went extinct. The very first reason was that the T-Rex game stopped making money. The reason that this would have killed the dinosaurs is that they would have no money to buy the dinosaurs BBQ chicken and salad. 

Joke: Why did Aiden throw his watch out the window? 

Answer: To see time fly.

Joke: What do you call the bad fish?

 Answer: A bull shark.

What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker? 

Answer: I’ve got more pop than you.

  What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

 Answer: They just waved.

 What do you call a grizzly with no socks? 

Answer: Bear foot. 

 

I have a pet septic tank. Hi, my name is Flama Glorpson. I am a normal kid, except that I like math, reading andI have no friends. All Right, maybe I’m not the most normal kid, but I do like tacos and melted ice cream. Also, my favorite movie is the Peppa Pig Christmas special.

Alright, let's skip to the chase. Everyone likes car chases just like in Peppa Pig.

Anyway, there's not gonna be a car chase, but there will be a magical remote dropped from above that controls time. You may be wondering how it happened, and the thing is, a walrus threw it at me. It bounced off my rump and went 100,000 feet in the air. A couple of hours later, while I was massaging my sore rump, it then hit me in the face.

Allright, now we're all caught up. 

Now the remote is going into the yard. With one gulp, my pet septic tank (Dut Tud) swallows it!!!!! All of a sudden, I felt a weird sensation and the world I knew disappeared. 

If you’ve never dinned with a fairy then consider yourself lucky. They take hours to decide what they want and then they get their meals, decide they don’t like it, and then they have to order something else. It’s horrid. Just listen to what happened. 


The first 30 minutes the fairy spent trying to decide what she wanted. 


When she finally chose, it took another 20 minutes to get our food. I had gotten BBQ ribs, and the fairy got a tuna fish salad with clam chowder and a side of chocolate mouse.


Low and behold, the fairy decided she didn’t like her absolute complex meal and ordered something else, just as complex. One rack of BBQ ribs, one huge bowl of minestrone soup, and chicken fingers on the side.


Now we’ve spent and hour and a half and we haven’t even eaten our food yet.




2 hours in and we’ve finished everything. FINALLY. Dinner shouldn’t take 2 hours.

the hypotenuse ate
from an elliptical plate

it had come to dine
on square roots and pi

when

the triangle made a sine
and spoke in parabolas--

its angle was obtuse
wandering off on tangents

with hyperbolic attitude
that fed on small degrees

in manner equilateral
it looked isosceles--

the triangle dangled loose
then gulped the hypotenuse
 

Like every teenager, I’m completely obsessed with Instagram. I always spend at least 9 hours brainlessly scrolling through my feed every day. Instagram is the first thing I look at in the morning and the last thing before going to bed each night. But the time I spend on the app continues to pay off. Thanks to my dedication, I’m becoming a bit of a social media influencer. I have a couple of hundred followers and always get like a ton of likes and comments on my posts. At this rate, I’ll probably be verified in a couple of months! 

A stunted, scraggly tree sat amongst a few crumpled beer cans and soggy fast food wrappers in a small patch of greying and equally scraggly grass by the side of a highway somewhere in New England. A few dewdrops fell from its branches, forming a small, murky puddle at its base. The dreary November morning allowed little sun through its grey, cloud-laden sky, and what did get through, the tree greedily soaked up with the few leaves still hanging on to its thin, gnarled branches. The tree’s roots wormed their way through the dusty and far-from-nutritious soil, lapping up the minerals they found with vigor bordering on obsession. The tree paid little attention to these things. It was busy making a plan. You see, the tree had been there since it was a seed, and had worked hard to earn itself a place among the ill-kempt grass and Bud Lite cans, only to be ignored by just about everyone. As you might expect, it was rather fed up with it all.

Do you understand
Why glue doesn't stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you understand
Why the word "abbreviation" is so long?

Do you understand
Why your feet smell and your nose runs?

Do you understand
Why apples float in the sink?

Do you understand
Life?