Jan 17
humor 0 comments challenge: Oops
Parker_L's picture

Math Homework


Jacob opens his computer and gets ready for homework when he realizes he doesn’t know when it’s due. He hopes not soon because he has not started it yet. Jacob starts an email to his math teacher asking, 
Jacob. “Hi, I was wondering when my math project was due.”
A few minutes later 
Teacher. “Hello, the project is due tomorrow.”
Jacob. “Tomorrow?”
Teacher. “Yes.”
Jacob. “I have not even stared the pro gyubwcvruvwevcuecvdauvc can I have more time to work on it tttevcdacidgqyfdgyqc dgy cgdvv vqveyvfryivgdywvcbgywovcbfgvyfwvd wvtewyvfguewbdgusqocvdgu 9qbqvbgudqvcgdevw”
Jacob. “Are you sure I thought it was due at the end of the weekkkkkk asudabcbdhud bsbdhuscbuecusdcdycvyvcdgacvgycvvdc hdsiacyhdbvfbaduvwvcd cvdua2du duvcdvcfywivfyiwvcyewcv wvudbycfewvgdubcgduvibfgv veyvgdyeiwvdwvcyivtwe.
Jan 14
humor 0 comments challenge: Humor
Wyatt_M's picture

Humor

Something that makes you laugh.
 
Jan 14
humor 0 comments challenge: Fifteen
Wyatt_M's picture

Fifteen


Fifteen words?! Why we all are worth more than that. Here goes, Funny, and smiley 

I ran out of word Oops
Jan 10
humor 0 comments challenge: Unusual
Grace._.'s picture

Dumpster Divers


The trash was hot. Who needs a sauna anyways when you have piles among piles of steamy funky smelling waste. To make things even better, there were free eclairs at the very bottom of the dumpster. This was the best meal I had ever found in dumpster 9. I had everything I could ever want. Some steaming hot garbage, a steaming hot complection, and my eclairs. Well… almost everything I wanted. The one thing I wanted more than all the dumpster eclairs in the world was to have someone to share my hard earned food with. Not many people in this world approved of my unique lifestyle. In fact, I had never met someone that approved of my favorite hobby until Basil. That name made me think of that dumpster behind the fancy Italian restaurant where I would go when I wanted a bit of a fancy meal. It always smelled like rotten basil in that giant trash can.
Jan 09

The Funny Dish Washing Incident

"Hey sis? Are to ladies allowed to kiss each other?" asks my five year old sister Maive as I washed dishes in the sink. The water was loud, but I think I got the question.
"What?" I said and sprayed a dish. "No." I said. "its not ok, thats not allowed"
Maive blinked very confused as I banged pots and pans around. "They'er not?"
"nope. Thats not ok" I said, suprised she was confused.
"What about men?" 
"No. it goes for both." I said smiling at her sillyness and scrubbed loudly away at a pot. 
"Not even at a wedding??" she questioned with round eyes.
"what? oh, no especially not at a wedding Maive, why would you do that at a wedding? Thats not acceptable " I said. I start a new pot.
"So then why do you?" she asked. she looked confusingly between me and the person washing pots in the sink with me.
I was perplexed. "I don't maive." I said, spraying the pot. 
Dec 19

Different perspectives


Person one:

Snow drifts down from clouds of gray misery, setting the little town in a sloth-like trance. The next morning, our car slinks through the town, spinning up rifts of slush. Though it's not yet January, I can't wait for spring!

Person two:

I wake to find the still, silent sunlight of winter creeping through my window. I glance at my alarm clock:  8:13 is glowing in bright neon green. School is closed!! I jump out of bed in joy and peer through my window; the hills outside are coated in a soft white blanket of beauty. As I dash down the stairs, I think of how much fun we'll have sledding.
Dec 11

Of Course its Cold!

Of course its cold!
I mean, why wouldn't it be at this point?
I should have known, it should have been expected.
Time to get out them winter boots
Time to find them winter coats
Don't get me started on the amount of hot chocolate that must be bought.
Do you have salt?
Not to eat of course-
but to make sure you don't break your neck during the holiday season.
Fa- la- la -la la, la-la-la - AAHHHHH! 
We must be prepared!
Whose got them shovels, the snowblowers,
the cozy blankets and extra socks.
Don't forget the cough drops!
cause we do not need you barking like a dog during caroling! 
si-i-lent n- ACHOOOO!
Yup.
Of course its cold!
I mean, its just not the holiday season without a little frost bite and some snowmen.
So get out them sleds cause
WINTERS COMING IN HOT! and its gonna get cold!
Dec 04

Thanksgiving at MY house

Well it was one of THOSE days,
I woke up and realized I hadn't changed my pad since yesterday morning.
I go to the bathroom and see that I've soaked through my pad, underpants and leggings,
(which are, what I might add, white) When I finally untangle myself from the bloody mess,
I see that there's no toilet paper left. I mean who does that? then I realized it's MY bathroom.
I, embarrassed, call for mom to bring another roll, when she does,
I'm not joking, she leaves the door open on her way out,
where anyone in the house can see my naked-from-the-waist-down body.
I wrap a towel around my legs and sprint for my room, I change and go to see what I can eat for breakfast,
I soon see that it's what my parent's call "shopping day" which translates in kidspeech to "there's no food left".
I scrounge up some cereal that's been in the cupboard for 3 months and eat it without milk.
Dec 02

low blood pressure runs in the family

a short list of delightful things that happen when you have low blood pressure . . .

- your feet falling asleep at random times. when you try to stand up, sometimes your leg just gives out and you flail around on your jelly leg before crashing to the ground.
- when you stand up too fast, you are overwhelmed in never ending darkness for a couple of seconds before your head stops spinning. it's quite the roller coaster ride!
- when the temp is getting icy, your fingers do to. they stay yellowish white for around five minutes before a tingling sensation occurs and your fingers return to a natural color ten minutes later.
Dec 02

giant goat problems.

life was hard. that's it. period. but you people didn't have to come and make it even harder! now I have to deal with a giant goat! and common! it's not even a cute giant goat! it's a huge, ugly, (Bleeped out for the untainted ears of small children), crop consuming, huge poo creating goat! good flipp'n heavens it's eaten the corn! your giant goat, has eaten my corn! so please, I beg of you! move the goat. please, spare a poor farmer a death-by-starvation/crushing-caused-by-the-voracious-appetite/output-of-this-giant-goat, fate! 

thank you very much. 
                    warmly(or rather quite ragingly) the poor farmer, mentioned above. 




 
Nov 22
humor 0 comments challenge: Minute
Grace._.'s picture

Runaway

 I did it! I ran away from home. I wonder what my parents are thinking. I hope they are full on freaking out. Last time I ran away from home, it only took them 30.567 seconds to find me. That is one of the cons about being a five year old girl in this day and age. It’s not like I’m allowed to drive anywhere. Anyways, I didn’t even make it a block away from home before I stopped running, started crying, ate all of my rations (a peanut butter and jelly sandwich), and then my parents took me home. But this time will be different, I just know it. Wait a second, I forgot my toothbrush! How am I supposed to survive on my own without my toothbrush? That means I have to buy a new one at the department store 10 blocks away. I can’t go that far. I’ll just start crying like last time. Too late. The hot tears are running down my cheeks just as I have an amazing idea! I’ve only been gone a minute. So what if I just go home, grab my toothbrush, and then run away.
Nov 22

A charming piece of literature

One dark night in the middle of the day, two dead boys came out to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot the two dead boys.
             The End. 

A weird little poem from an unknown source.
 
Nov 21

Doritos

Doritos 

their crunchy 

their savory 

their  cheesy

but why oh why

do they have to

fill the bag halfway

It’s like your paying for air

and a side of dorritos

you dont want a side of dorritos

you want a side of air

you’ll want them to last as long as possible 

not last a minute

so please for the sake of humanity 

dont fill the bag halfway 

 
Nov 14
Abby_C's picture

random thoughts

During class meditation I tried to find zen or whatever. I failed, I couldn’t think of anything. For the first time in my life my brain just went blank. I kind of gave up, and started to look around at my classmates. I tried to read their faces, but had no clue what they were all thinking about. Then I realized I have no clue what’s going on in anyone's mind during the day. Not even my parents or closest friends’. Then I started thinking even more. A person’s face could be blank, but in their minds they could be fighting a german spy or something even more random. You could be talking to someone and they are dreaming about spaghetti or something. 
Nov 02

SNEKS!!!!!! DUH. THAT'S MY TITLE.


:Y :Y :Y :Y :Y :Y :Y :Y :Y :Y  SNEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 I    I    I   I   I    I   I    I   I    I  
 I    I    I   I   I    I    I    I  I    I
 I         I   I   I    I    I    I  I    I 
 I             I        :Y       I  I       
               I         I         I
Nov 02

the moon


the moon
the great, full, pimple of the sky. 
yous welcome.
I enjoyed sharin my wisdom. 
Nov 01
derossep's picture

To the Human Citizens of Earth


Human Citizens of Earth, 

As the Assistant Warden of Galactic Sector IMB452643, I am responsible for your solar system and thus am deeply concerned about the condition in which you are leaving your planet. In your Earth degrees, the average surface temperature of your planet has risen about 0.9℃. (I’m using Celsius here because American measurement systems are weird.) At this rate, the Arctic ice cap will melt by mid-century. That, in case you didn’t realize, means no more polar bears along with a whole host of terrible things. Please don’t wreck your planet. Our sector has had a clean record for millennia. If you ruin that, my boss will blame it on me and Carla from Sector IMB452645 will gloat for ages. 
Here is a list of other reasons to keep the earth alive and healthy, seeing as you apparently need help. 

 Trust me, you will not like Earth better heated. You don’t stick ice cream in the microwave, do you? 
Nov 01
Burnt Black Petals's picture

I Before E Except After C...

I before E except after C.

Unless your neighbor leisurely deceives eight overweight conceited heirs to forfeit their sovereign as you heinesiouly seize an ageing atheist’s feisty conceived beige heifer deprived of proteins as you pull it on a bareish and beingless counterfeit sleigh you got from a caffeinated blue-veined weightlifter as Keith abseils down a veiled rope agreeingly albeit while reading the poem Aeneid.

Weird.

 
Oct 24

I Like Potatoes: A True Story

I like potatoes. What can I say? I like them mashed, sliced, even raw sometimes. Potatoes are great. I once had a potato in my kitchen. That potato just sat there for so long. One day I named it. Billy was his name. I brought him upstairs to my room. I would just sit there and talk to this potato. He eventually became known as Billy the Therapist potato. No one knew this but me. On one sad day, my mother came into my room. She saw Billy. I had drawn a little face on dear Billy. My mother thought this was utterly ridiculous. When I got home that day, we had potato soup for dinner. I love potato soup. But after dinner I had gone upstairs to tell my dear Billy about my day… You probably can imagine my horror when I entered my room and Billy was not in his usual place. My mother had fed me my best friend for dinner. I never forgave her. But, I never stopped making little potato friends. One of my creations was a gorgeous rainbow potato. I had loved her very much.
Oct 18

Chicken

I look into these chickens eyes
He looks into mine
He looks confused
And so do I
"Who are you looking at" I exclaim
The chicken still stares
I try to look away
The chicken is still staring at me
I walk into my house to rid the chicken
The chicken then goes away
I then come back out to feed the cows
The chicken follows me and stares at me
I think this chicken might have a thing for me
The chicken doesn't leave me alone
I decide to bring the chicken into the house
I decide to go to bed
With the chicken being in the house im afraid shell get into trouble
The chicken was beside me when I woke up
I think I made a new friend...
The chicken agrees in her own mind that I am a friend