Everyone needs a joke. Like I mean it. You couldn't live without that little laugh. That one thing that keeps you going. Especially right now. Like, Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Guess! Because every play has a cast. Get it? Even if you don't, tell another joke. It will make someones day.
Since you ate a mayo tuna fish sandwich before a job interview and didn’t have any gum, you went to the vending machine to buy some. After spending twenty-five minutes trying to force the machine to accept your dollar bill, the interviewer found you on your knees, shaking and crying, babbling about string theory. When you tried to apologize for being late, he got a full whiff of your reeking breath and became immediately comatose. You became a convicted felon for attempted murder and was forced to flee the country, which was a shame, because you would’ve loved the office snacks.
I just want to go to the Moon, be able to know what they mean when they say, “It's a small world after all!” Watch the stars with no noises or distractions. I would go up at night - wait - Who am I kidding? It’s practically night up there all the time! Unless… you get too close to the Sun! But we're talking about the Moon! I’ll fly up in a red rocket ship from NASA and jump down in a heavy astronaut suit and helmet And I’ll put a flag right next to the American one saying, “Hey, aliens! If you know how to read - well you do if you’re reading this - but, go to YWP and check out my POEMS!”
We got my dog, Topher, 2 weeks ago, and are teaching him to sit. So one day I was doing my schoolwork, and Topher came up to me with his treat bag. (I have no idea how he got it.) He dropped it in my lap, and sat down, looking at me expectantly. (such a smart boy!) I don't know how I lived without a dog.
Mrs cooper fin’lly switched to zoom It took her very long, I’m guessing that it was because She couldn’t turn it on. But now she fin’lly sent the link, We were surprised she dared. But when we answered to the call Her voice we couldn’t hear.
The audio could not be found, Her lips were moving too. We told her to hold down the mic That simply wouldn’t do. Fin’lly Mrs cooper spilled her papers everywhere The binder hit the keyboard, And allowed the screen to share (Poor mrs cooper was confused She didn’t get this thing called zoom).
Our teacher started hitting buttons As if it were a gong, We tried to help, then heard her voice It didn’t take too long. Then we had to help her out In ending the screen share, It took a lot of clicking But she fin’lly saw us there! (oh mrs cooper was so pleased, As if she got a gift of teas)
Stanley Hodge-Podge Phlegm, one hundred useless inventions for them: A silent radio, a wordless book, a sun hat without a brim, bread that makes you thin, socks that fit your chin, a porous bottle, a paper axe, auto-cracking glass. That's a sample, and nothing more, of the one hundred useless things that Stanley Hodge-Podge Phlegm brings.
Good job, brother. You spread confusion even here, on peaceful(ish) YWP.
Once upon a time there was a really great guy. Why was he so great? Shush, he just was. People cheered when he came home victorious from war. Oh no, that’s so sad. Who did he kill? It’s not important to the story. The guy became really important, so some people plotted to kill him. Wow, that escalated fast. Although I guess he killed someone else so… Lots of people around the guy were trying to warn him something bad was going to happen. But he didn’t listen. What kinds of people? A random guy in a cloak on the street - Okay, why would he listen to them? I wouldn’t. - and his wife. Oh come on, he’s so dumb he won’t even listen to his wife?! So then all the people gathered together and stabbed him. Woot! Good for them, stabbing a guy who didn’t respect his wife!
I have been in my house and have not left for 12 days. Yep any body else have 10 packs of broccoli in there house. All I want to do is go to the mall or ya know what THE LIBRARY. But nope that's closed too. I have almost finished ALL of greys anatomy. I have also made Angels food cake and drank 8 root beers In one week. I'm going crazy in my house I hope your doing better than me see ya later This is going to be a long year -Lilly
Hey you gess what I'm back and I got more jokes (by the way sorry if I say the same joke from last time) The first one is... What hired killer nerver goes to jail... An exterminator!... Nows the part when you laugh. Ready for another one... Why did the the prisoner take a shower before she broke out of jail?... She wanted to make a clean getaway!... All right three more... Why was the picture sent to jail?... Because it was framed... two left... What kind of bars won't keep a prisoner in jail?... Chocolate Bars!... All right last one!... A prisoner was in jail. All she had in her cell was a piano. Yet she managed to escape. How did she do it?... She played the piano until she found the wright key!...
Hey, Hey you... Yes you who else is reading this paper. Pardon me... but do you want to hear a joke?... You do? Great! Why did the students eat their homwork? Becuase theire teacher told them it was a peice of cake. Want to hear another one? Ok, ok, Whats black white and red all over?... An embaresed zebra... ok you 5 more... JK 2 more... How many prisoners can you fit into an empty jail cell... One after that the cell isn't empty anymore!... What is the difrence between a jeweler and a jailer?... A jeweler sells watches while a jailer watches cells!
If I could break any world record, I would break the one for walking across a bunch of LEGOs. This may seem like a weird one to most people but to me it makes perfect sense. Most say that stepping on a LEGO is the most painful feeling in the world, but I wouldn’t know. I have never stepped down upon the pointy plastic corners of this toy building block. In fact, I never even had LEGOs as a kid. When I tell my friends this, they say that “I had no childhood” and “what did you even do for fun?” Therefore I feel like I should make up for lost time and step across a huge path of them. Since I have never felt this “extreme” pain before, it will probably break me mentally and physically. But that’s okay! I would be honored to break an important record like this one.
¨Asshat.” Ben whipped his head around, ¨Who said that?¨ Coughing sounded from the back of the library, but no response. Dodging the bizarre looks by other library-goers from his outburst, Ben went back to reading his textbook. Ever so quietly he skimmed through the pages, looking for the page on intergalactic warfare. ¨Fuckin ninny nincompoop.¨ Grouchy, Ben stomped his foot and jolted out of his seat, ¨I CAN HEAR YOU!¨ Half of the library attendees snapped their heads up and glared at him as if he had kicked a puppy, the other half seemed not to care as much. It occurred to Ben that he was the only one who could hear the mysterious and malevolent sounds. Just then he heard it again, this time it sounded more like garbled giggling coming from the non-fiction section.