Claire

They tell me I can trust them with anything.

They tell me not to hide.

They tell me that they won't tell anyone.

But...

They never think about why I can't trust them.

They never think about why I hide.

My father texted me on Valentine's day 

Three years ago I would've responded

But this year I asked who it was

I had deleted his contact 

I don't regret it 

Because my dad died years ago

I promise you I care

This I know for sure.

I promise you I’m here

Just maybe not to stay.

I promise you I’m fine

Just in my own way.

I promise you I’m trying

I swear I always have been.

I am a teenager

My life is not simple

I am traumatized and scarred

And doing my best

But it seems like adults can’t see this

All they see is an anxious little girl

Who doesn’t seem to care

If only I’d never met you

If only I had been stronger

If only I had seen sooner

Just how abusive you are

If only I hadn’t let you

Turn my life to ruin

If only I hadn’t tried

To be chosen. 
 

That's all I wish for — to be someone's first choice. 

I watch from afar, lost in a sea of the bittersweet feeling 

As others are always chosen first, but never me,