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Last night at work, I had a bit of a panic attack. Something like that, something similar. You don’t really know while you’re in it, why it happens, but the reasons were there, and I know them now. 

The island on wheels in the middle of our kitchen still smells new on the inside

If you've ever put your nose right up against an old plank of wood, you'd know the smell--that, and Styrofoam painted blue

I saw a photo of myself from freshman year

I didn’t love how I looked, cringed at it—a knee-jerk reaction to my ugly, green shoelaces—but not necessarily just because of my physical appearance

I've been seeing a lot of girls on Pinterest

With bodies that don't look like mine

And I don't look away, because they are beautiful--they are pictures I look for and want to see

I got home from work at nine o’clock and decided that I would go down, through the gate, across the creek–socks mushy all of a sudden in my Adidas sneakers–and into the meadow for a walk without stopping to see anyone.

It's summertime in Montana, and because we ranch, because animals and plants and the weather are on their own time, I sit around and wait a lot.