Ad astra
Latin for to the stars
something that we've never done yet
but we've gone near.
We've never gone to the stars
we've reached the not-quite-emptiness that surrounds them.
We've jumped up to reach the chance
but never got close to brushing our fingers across its surface.
Ad astra
is like a promise
it promises what we could reach
what we can reach
just not quite yet.
I am tormented by slight movements
even silence is hurting me
reality seems to be strobing
or something like it -
I've yet to learn how to explain these moments to others,
even myself.
It's not normal,
This is the worst kind of anticipation
this anticipation isn't just fear of what is to come
it's laced around the edges with knowledge of how it went last time
of how a repeat of last year is most likely inevitable.
You two have entered my life at different times
yet you both mean the world to me
I dread separation -
the battle between boredom and loneliness cancels out everything else and I miss your everyday comments on the world
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