Even with my friends, I'm alone.
They date. They love each other.
I spend nights of my life that I will never get back attempting to preserve their happiness. I'm the whole reason they're still together. They admit that. But I'm still alone.
I sit around a camp fire as they make out. I leave and they ask me why I left.
I invite them to lunch and end up feeling like I intrude on their date.
I invite one of them to my house and they spend more time talking about the other one than they do enjoying what I want to enjoy.
I have to force my way into their attention in the evening. No one else will text me. Even if I have to force it, they will, and bless them they will do their best to pay attention to me. But their focus is on each other. Not me.
Is it better, then, to be alone with friends, or alone with yourself?
Comments
Damn, there's literally no one else?
I vote for alone with yourself cuz then you can actually think without all the anxiety and have you focus on you. Wait for their honeymoon phase to die down
Part of this is a dramatization. Other people will text me. But I am not good enough friends with them to hold any sort of meaningful conversation that won't end up feeling like I am carrying the burden to continue. I think after over a year together, they're still in the honeymoon phase... I don't think it'll die down. They do their best, really, to include me, but sometimes they can be less considerate and sometimes even if they are being extremely considerate but I still feel left out.
Dang that is really tough and I am sorry to hear it. I guess the only thing I can say here is, don’t give up on trying to find more friends that can meet your needs. There's gotta be some out there and you need to find them.
Also about you feeling like you're carrying most of the burden, I watched an interesting video about this and I feel like it might be helpful https://youtu.be/k3J_SnCCYjU?si=SYE-Q0VDBA8p5UpO It talks about behavioral patterns that set you up for unbalanced friendships
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