i have trusted
myself.
i have trusted
my body.
i have believed
it will not bite back
that it will not feel the roaring rush
of danger in what is safe.
i have thought
i would swallow it away.
you thought wrong,
said the syringe,
said the white room.
you can't fool me,
said the haze,
said the flush.
you cannot fight
the fist closing around your throat
except it is not a real fist
and it is closing around your whole life
until adrenaline jolts
its grip away.
So many times you will see
someone on the street who you will never meet
again, and believe you could fall in love.
You will look back, and they will not be looking
at you.
A few times you will think
No. I don't want to love you.
I don't want to play songs that sound like you
until they become my whole head, I don't want
to write a poem
if you ever call me laughing and cold
She has just showered, and her hair hangs limp down her back, washed of the shampoo she waited five minutes, forehead against the cool tile wall, to rinse off. The sky is ink and charcoal, but then, it has been for hours.
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