Grandmother

I wonder sometimes
about you

How your voice sounded
if you had smile lines
around your eyes

If your favorite food was soup
just like mine is

What color you were
turquoise maybe
or forest green

I wonder sometimes
about you

If you would have found me funny
thought I was beautiful

I have no pictures of you
no clues about you
I can only wonder
wonder
wonder

What your favorite thing to do was
if your eyes were bluegreengreybrownblue
just like mine are

My mom used to tell me
whenever I accidentally
let a balloon go
that you were sitting up there
in the violetgrey sky
on a throne made of clouds
waiting to catch
my lonely balloon

I really truly believed that
so I'd write all over
the balloons I got
things about myself
and send them skyward
so you'd know
more about me 
your oldest granddaughter

I wonder sometimes 
about you

I think we would have been friends
found comfort in each others company
But I can't meet you
not yet
I have a life to live first
It makes me cry
to think you aren't here 
to be a part of my life
So I do what I can
to keep you with me

Every year
on your birthday
using a blue sharpie
I still write on a balloon
and let it go
for you to catch
and hold on to
so you know
I love you

I wish I could've met you